Rush, Aimee. Aimee, Rush.
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we mourn the loss of so much history that would enrich our lives if only we knew. Ancient history, modern history, it doesn't matter. When you stomp in and trample someone's god or goddess, how smart is that? You might miss an opportunity to learn something new.
For the sake of argument, let's pretend you're Rush Limbaugh.
Rush must not know the strange, twisted tale of Aimee Semple McPherson, even though it happened just 80 years ago.
For about a decade, Aimee Semple McPherson was one of the most popular voices on the radio. Radio was just finding its audience in the 1920s, and Aimee was a Christian evangelist. She performed healings and occasionally made prophecies.
Aimee preached before huge live audiences from her base in California and sometimes made national tours. Everyone who loved evangelists loved this gal.
Suddenly she up and disappears. She's gone for weeks. The local police, and then the state police, and then the FBI (I'm not sure it was the "Find Bold Insurgents" back then) poured out to search for her.
They finally found her. With money, booze, and a boyfriend, holed up in a luv nest.
Remarkably, her popularity tanked.
I ponder Aimee's predicament today after having read that Mr. Limbaugh was detained at the Miami airport for toting prescription pills in a bottle with someone else's name on it.
The pills were for ... emm ... err ... oh, we are so delicate here at "The Gods Are Bored" that we can't go into more detail! And why should we? You already know all about Rush and his little problem.
What we objected to here at "The Gods Are Bored" was Mr. Limbaugh's jokes about the pills on his popular radio show. First he said he got them at the Clinton Library (nasty), where he was told they were blue M&Ms. (Right. And OxyContin would be white M&Ms.)
But we were astounded to learn that Mr. Limbaugh added: "I had fun in the Dominican Republic. I wish I could tell you about it, but I can't."
We at "The Gods Are Bored" do not recall seeing anything in the news about a Mrs. Limbaugh accompanying Mr. Limbaugh on his vacation to the Dominican Republic.
Is it therefore safe to assume that he jetted to one of the poorest nations in the Western Hemisphere, where he purchased the services of the female citizenry for behavior requiring a certain kind of pharmaceutical?
We at "The Gods Are Bored" find that appalling. Especially the fact that Mr. Limbaugh joked about it on the air. We took a poll of gods and goddesses today, and all but Zeus condemned Mr. Limbaugh soundly.
I even polled You-Know-Who. Yes, even God Almighty thinks Rush has strayed too far from the fold. In You-Know-Who's case it wasn't so much the concubines as the bragging about it. These things should be done discreetly unless you're King Solomon.
To make a long post shorter, we here at "The Gods Are Bored" hope that this egregious faux pas on Mr. Limbaugh's part alienates his Christian following, who, if they truly practice what they preach, should be equally as affronted as they were over Monica's stained dress.
Is this Rush Limbaugh's "Aimee Semple McPherson Moment?" It should damn well be. Boasting about sexual escapades with impoverished women doesn't recommend him to us as a role model.
We won't even tell you what Chonganda wants to do with him. Or Tiki. Or Negafook. Or Chalchiuhtotolin, the Aztec God of Vomit.
On the other hand, Zeus wants a scrip.
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
AREA 14, STAR 14