Sunday, June 04, 2006

Sweet Home New Jersey

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your premiere portal for Remembrance of Things Past. God-wise, that is. If you want a crash course on Deity Diversity Training, you've found the right spot!

Reading today in the newspaper that Alabama has a ballot question for its state constitution. Voters will soon be able to decide whether or not they want Alabama to be a state where marriage can only exist between a man and a woman. Those pushing for the amendment want their victory to be even more resounding than neighboring Texas, where 70 percent of voters favored having the government define marriage for them.

The newspaper article bemoaned the fact that Alabama has such a wonderful record on civil rights for African Americans and women, how could this happen?

Say Whaaaaaat? If ever a state had to be dragged kicking and screaming into treating black people at least as good as its farm animals, it is Alabama.

Let's do a little Clarence Darrowing on this gay marriage business, okay?

If you tell gays they cannot legalize their unions, then the next step is making them wear white armbands with rainbows on them. The next step after that is torching their houses, lynching them, and depriving them of their livelihoods. After that, you herd them into boxcars and take them off to camp.

Take heart, o you Rainbow Alabamians! (Is that what it is, Alabamians?)

New Jersey wants you.

Come on up, drop on by, grab a carpet and fly!

New Jersey has liberal partnership laws and is benefitting from them in a veritable Queer Pilgrimage. Our state values your work ethic, your higher-than-average intelligence, your aesthetics, your tax dollars, and your tourist revenue.

And guess what? When you grow old and die, we're not gonna let your Alpha Moo second-cousin-twice-removed come and grab your estate out from under the beloved partner who stood side-by-side with you for life.

You have family in Alabama you'd hate to leave? Well, it's just a plane flight from Mobile to Philly International. And we here in the Asphalt State guarantee that neither you nor your loved ones have ever had great Italian food, unless you've already enriched us with your tourist dollars.

So, all you gay Southern folks, vote with your feet. Load your cars, moving vans, whatever, and find yourself a more hospitable environment in which to live your lives.

New Jersey and You. Perfect Together.

"Sweet Home, Alabama
Where the guys are so Red.
Sweet Home, Alabama
Keep Your Nose out of My Bed.

Git it said.

AREA 14, STAR 14


Hecate said...

Sweet Home, Alabama
Where the guys are so Red.
Sweet Home, Alabama
Keep Your Nose out of My Bed.

Git it said.

You are, truly, a Goddess.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post! :-)

blueingy said...

Awesome. I love it. :D