Tuesday, June 13, 2006

New Video Game: Convert or Be Crushed!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," the world's ultimate stroll down Ancient Gods and Goddesses Boulevard! And today we're going to dine at Cathar Cafe.

Join us if you dare.

Perhaps you've heard of the Cathars. They were a Medieval sect of Christians who had very weird beliefs (including a loathing for the corporeal that probably would have done them in Shaker-style).

One of the aspects of the Medieval church that the Cathars rejected was the papacy.

Uh oh.

Besieged, tortured, crushed, mangled, exterminated to a man and woman. The basic message sent to these folks by the pope, via his armed forces the Knights Templar, was "get back in the fold, or die."

Hey, the Jews got this all the time in the Middle Ages. Convert or die. Later it was the Protestants. Hugenots. Etc. etc. etc. Lists are boring, right?

Well, there's good news for all of you out there who would grab the flaming torch and set the Cathars a-burnin! "Convert or Die" is back in style!

I'm some months late on this news, but here it is:

Tyndale House, publisher of the Left Behind series, will soon release a video game called Left Behind: Eternal Forces.

The game was created to appeal to the crowd that surged to "Passion of the Christ" to see Jesus get all bloodied up.

The plot and goals are simple enough: It's Post-Rapture, all the Black Bumper Mennonites have been scooped up bodily, leaving behind their sensible cars and their tidy churches and their verdant farms. Everyone else is "Left Behind" to fight the Great Beast. Emmmm. I mean, "Mr. Applegate" and his Forces of Evil. The gamer, as hero, needs to convert new followers to Christianity to help stem this tide of Celestial Villainy.

Yes, you are allowed to snuff the enemy, using your advanced weaponry. However, you earn a better score if you convert heathens to Christianity.

An illustration from the game:

A quote from its creator:

Left Behind Games CEO Troy Lyndon, whose company went public in February, says the game's Christian themes will grab the audience that didn't mind gore in "The Passion of the Christ." "We've thought through how the Christian right and the liberal left will slam us," says Lyndon. "But megachurches are very likely to embrace this game." Though it will be marketed directly to congregations, Forces will also have a secular ad campaign in gaming magazines.

So there you have it, folks! Heil Jesus! Convert or die! Why deny the poor little megachurch youngsters their version of Grand Theft Auto? Let 'em blast away at those sinners! Holy warfare!

We at "The Gods Are Bored" have one question about Left Behind: Eternal Forces.

How many points do you get for slamming a jet plane into a high rise full of sinners?



Hecate said...


Even Jesus would be disgusted by what's being done in his name. Of course, someone will get rich off of this.

Tennessee Jed said...

It would be cool if you could spur off in Grand Theft Auto into this game after doing a crack buy from Jesus the pusher on 149th Street.

Hecate said...


Thought this might interest you:

The Paint Branch Unitarian Universalist Church Board of Trustees has
approved the sponsorship of a SpiralScouts™ troop to meet at their
church in Adelphi Maryland!

SpiralScouts™ International is a program for girls and boys of
minority faiths working, growing and learning together. Making its
public debut in February of 2001, SpiralScouts™ International has
grown into an expanded program available to anyone world wide. We now
serve youth in 20 US States, Canada and Europe.

While SpiralScouts™ was developed on Pagan beliefs and practices, it
is designed to be adaptable by other minority faiths as well. In
addition to traditional woodland lore, camping and the outdoor living
skills, the program includes teaching the many mythologies of the
ancient world. Uniquely, it includes a component new to youth group
programming - life strategies and skills for teens, to help them
learn early how to have good relationships with their peers and
adults, and interpersonal skills that will serve them throughout
their adult lives.

SpiralScouts™ membership is open to children between the ages of 3
and 18 from all religious backgrounds, including Paganism and other
minority faith traditions. We encourage diversity and acceptance in
our groups. All are welcome to become members. Within the program
there are three levels of child participation:
٭ FireFlies™ range from preschoolers through age 8.
٭ SpiralScouts™ range from age 8 through 14.
٭ PathFinders™ range from 14 up to 18.

The Nature Spirituality Circle of PBUUC will begin the chartering
process shortly, and is looking for both leadership and membership in
our new and as yet unnamed Circle. Please contact Tina Van Pelt at
cvanpeltah@aol.com or Paul Richards at paulric@yahoo.com for further

Dani said...

So - can you fight on the opposite side and Destroy All Humans...errr...Christians? That could be fun.