Monday, October 03, 2005

Holy Month Preview

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" New Age? What's the New Age? We're about The Old-Time Religions ... all of them.

Were your gods pushed out by well-meaning but misguided missionaries of one of these big, fancy faiths? Reclaim your gods! Reclaim your goddess! Reclaim your daemons, your Thunderbirds, your spirits of earth, air, fire, and water!

If you say, "Well, what if Jesus IS the only way to make it past the grave? Hey, he's the one who said his house has many rooms. I'll bet there's fairies in at least the attic. And wherever there are fairies, there's excitement.

And let us not forget that Jesus had a Mama, and that people pray to her all the time - especially when they're sick or have some hard job ahead. Like an algebra test or a CAT scan. Hail, Mary? What's in a name? A rose by any name smells as sweet. (Thanks, Willie.)

At the beginning of the month, we here at "The Gods Are Bored" like to preview what we're going to accomplish in the next 28 days. Sort of like a celestial trailer you have to sit through before the feature film starts.

1. We are going to celebrate this holy month and treat it with the sacred respect it deserves. Especially that day at the very end. Even the most determined Christian missionaries finally gave up trying to push that one into the dust.

2. Shhhhhhhh! We're going to have interesting discussions on Conspiracy Theories and why Mel Gibson fears for his life!

3. We're going to watch the newest Supreme Court justice nominee go through the process. No doubt we'll weigh her in the balance and find her wanting.

4. If anyone's interested, we may republish our infamous "Sex, Drugs, and Witchcraft" quiz.

5. And speaking of witches, what better time than October to discuss them? New evidence reveals many interesting tidbits on those martyrs. (Burning at the stake - now there's an innovative way to revise head counts.)

6. Let us not neglect goats. Oh, those cloven-footed wonders. Can't get enough of them.

7. Inevitably, "Mr. Applegate" will probably take every chance to whine and kvetch if we leave for a day or two.

Wow! What a lot of fascinating topics! Tell your friends, and especially all those brown-shirt dittoheads out there. We want them to hear the evidence for the defense.


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