Monday, October 17, 2005

Bird Flu Bonanza

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we extend Right to Life even to the bird flu virus.

We just hope it stays in the birdies and doesn't hop to us.

Much news today about how scientists have re-created the deadly 1918 influenza virus that killed 50 million people worldwide. The scientists published the virus's genome on a public forum.

Now the newspaper columnists are all crowing.

"Some terrorist is going to get hold of that information and make a flu that will cause a pandemic, possibly killing 200 million people."

Wow. Imagine having that many deaths on your conscience.

Hey, Terrorist Who Is Going To Unleash Bird Flu:

Think twice, big guy. This isn't flying a plane into a building full of Americans. This friendly little virus, killing an animal whose regular body temperature is about 102 degrees, will fry from the inside all of the following people:

1. Your mama
2. Your grandparents
3. Your nieces and nephews
4. Your comrades-in-arms
5. Eskimos
6. Argentinians
7. The Dalai Lama
8. Muslim clerics by the gross

Anyone stupid enough to unleash a pandemic deliberately ought to be drafted as the next Intelligent Designer. Except he'll be too busy trying to live through his own bout of bird flu. And he won't.



Morgaine said...

You need to address that warning to Bush, too. It looks like the flu is going to be the excuse he uses to declare martial law.

Anne Johnson said...

Dear Mr. Bush:

Bird flu is bad.

Shots are good.

Give Dick a shot.

Give Jane a shot.

Skip Puff.

Give Anne a shot. Gin with a twist.