Tuesday, June 07, 2005


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We had quite a day here yesterday. A bored god named Shiva ran amok. Shiva was incensed by the news that the Supreme Court ruled that the feds could dive down and arrest cancer patients who use medical marijuana to fight those nasty chemo side effects.

Let's hand it to Shiva. He's over his rampage. He's quite calm this morning. He's crafted a plan that is absolutely brilliant in its simplicity.

Shiva spent the evening looking at the Internet. Found it fascinating. That's how he learned of the American government's Schedules for Controlled Substances.

Shiva joins me in wondering why cannabis is a Schedule I controlled substance, alongside vicious killers like heroin. He is also baffled that any moron over the age of 21 can go buy a quart of Jack Daniels and swill the whole thing in a sitting. (Ever see where that leads, readers?)

Anyway, Shiva thinks I should persuade the federal government to move cannabis from Schedule I to Schedule II. If cannabis is a Schedule II drug, it could be prescribed by DEA-certified doctors for certain specific ailments, and we're not talking about a bad case of poison ivy, if you know what I mean.

Just one itty bitty change to the federal narcotics law, and the whole need for states to craft medical marijuana legislation would be swept away. Montel Williams could get his medicine, and so could dear old Dobson if, by some cruel twist of fate, he winds up tethered to a chemo port.

This morning our other bored god friend, Morpheus, dropped in to put in his two cents' worth.

Morpheus is very concerned about the farmers in Afghanistan, who are flooding the world with cheap, pure heroin. Morpheus says too many youngsters are being lured to try heroin, and it's so dangerously addictive. Not to be trifled with. So it was actually Morpheus's idea to get the Afghan farmers to grow legal cannabis that could be shipped to America and made into filtered cigarettes in some tobacco factory sitting idle because all the jobs have gone overseas.

Montel wins. The laid-off factory worker in North Carolina wins. The Afghan farmer wins. State legislators win too - they should be worrying about roads.

Sorry, Shiva. Sorry, Morpheus. If no individual American can grow obscenely wealthy by selling legal cannabis, it ain't gonna happen.

Our current federal government is not about helping people get medicine, or even about common sense. It's all about making the rich richer and using scare tactics to keep the rest of us in servitude. And putting cannabis on Schedule II is one of those perfect scare tactic plans that the Far Right Chippies and their Big Brother fat cat manipulators would milk for every last drop of publicity.

First thing these creeps would say? "Look at that goat judge, Anne Johnson. She's just looking for an easy way to get a spliff, so she can get high every night and set a bad example for good Christians everywhere."

Bring it on, drug czar! I'll sit for a drug test here and now. I NEVER TOUCH POT. EVER.

I'm just thinking ahead, you see. Alzheimer's Disease romps through my family tree, and the latest research shows that cannabis eases anxiety in Alzheimer's patients better than benzodiazapines. SOMEDAY I might want cannabis AS MEDICINE.

And on that day, I won't be any more inclined to break the law than I am now.

All of this is just another reason for me to be
Anne, the liberal, pro-union goat judge from West By God Virginia

PS - Clarence Thomas is a true conservative! He had to dissent on the medical marijuana opinion. Hey, Rush. Put that in your ground-up OxyContin and snort it.

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