Monday, June 13, 2005


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" You can trust what you read here. Why would we lie to you?

I read a big city newspaper every day. You know the type. So liberal that it pastes big pictures of Iraqi civilian casualties on the front page every day. So liberal that it devotes whole columns to cheery news of union victories in labor strikes. So liberal that it uses hemp paper instead of pulp from ground-up trees.

You don't read that newspaper, Dobson? Neither does anyone else.

Seriously, yesterday I read an earnest editorial in my big city newspaper about how bloggers don't really have the political clout that everyone purports to them. The earnest editorial writer noted that no one really reads blogs. There's millions of blogs out there, and no one reading them.

Oh gee, I'm crushed.

Seriously. What genius comes to this conclusion, and then gets it published in a big city newspaper? The same big city newspaper that wouldn't run my 200 word sound byte on medical marijuana?

Of course no one reads blogs! People are too busy to read other peoples' blogs! Even those filthy rich capitalist @$#$@##$s at the top of the food chain don't read blogs. They're too busy collecting things, like first editions of The Gospel According to John.

I don't read other peoples' blogs. You know how long it takes me to write one of these cute, daring, thought-provoking entries? A looooooonnnnnng time. And I know how to type fast. I learned at Billy Bob Agricultural University.

It's like Ebay. When you search Ebay for the item you simply must have, like "buzzard earrings," do you look at the entry that says "MUST SEE THIS ONE! MUST SEE! GREATEST BUZZARD EARRINGS EVER!"

You, like me, pass that one by and go straight to the entry that says "vintage sterling silver buzzard vulture earrings Egypt"

People who get their blogs read have to be:
A. famous
B. a whiz with computers
C. shameless self-promoters
D. all of the above

For the rest of us, well. Here's a quick and easy forum to vent our spleens, to dissect the newest rules on goat-judging and the latest trends in goat cheese production, and to throw out straight talk about fairies.

If you're a druid, like me, you understand that the bored gods are used to being ignored. They've found creative ways around the problem, like using humble animators such as Walt Disney to promote their messages. And he's not even the first in line. The bored gods have always managed to stay afloat despite 1500 years of Christian repression, and they always will.

They don't need me.

And that's a relief, because I've got some big-time goat judging to do. It's the season.

If you're reading this, and you're not me, my goodness gracious. Post me your address and I'll send you a magic wand. A real one, mind you, not one of those Harry Potter Hollywood things.

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