Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," the world's ultimate stroll down Ancient Gods and Goddesses Boulevard! And today we're going to dine at Cathar Cafe.
Join us if you dare.
Perhaps you've heard of the Cathars. They were a Medieval sect of Christians who had very weird beliefs (including a loathing for the corporeal that probably would have done them in Shaker-style).
One of the aspects of the Medieval church that the Cathars rejected was the papacy.
Besieged, tortured, crushed, mangled, exterminated to a man and woman. The basic message sent to these folks by the pope, via his armed forces the Knights Templar, was "get back in the fold, or die."
Hey, the Jews got this all the time in the Middle Ages. Convert or die. Later it was the Protestants. Hugenots. Etc. etc. etc. Lists are boring, right?
Well, there's good news for all of you out there who would grab the flaming torch and set the Cathars a-burnin! "Convert or Die" is back in style!
I'm some months late on this news, but here it is:
Tyndale House, publisher of the Left Behind series, will soon release a video game called Left Behind: Eternal Forces.
The game was created to appeal to the crowd that surged to "Passion of the Christ" to see Jesus get all bloodied up.
The plot and goals are simple enough: It's Post-Rapture, all the Black Bumper Mennonites have been scooped up bodily, leaving behind their sensible cars and their tidy churches and their verdant farms. Everyone else is "Left Behind" to fight the Great Beast. Emmmm. I mean, "Mr. Applegate" and his Forces of Evil. The gamer, as hero, needs to convert new followers to Christianity to help stem this tide of Celestial Villainy.
Yes, you are allowed to snuff the enemy, using your advanced weaponry. However, you earn a better score if you convert heathens to Christianity.
An illustration from the game:
A quote from its creator:
Left Behind Games CEO Troy Lyndon, whose company went public in February, says the game's Christian themes will grab the audience that didn't mind gore in "The Passion of the Christ." "We've thought through how the Christian right and the liberal left will slam us," says Lyndon. "But megachurches are very likely to embrace this game." Though it will be marketed directly to congregations, Forces will also have a secular ad campaign in gaming magazines.
So there you have it, folks! Heil Jesus! Convert or die! Why deny the poor little megachurch youngsters their version of Grand Theft Auto? Let 'em blast away at those sinners! Holy warfare!
We at "The Gods Are Bored" have one question about Left Behind: Eternal Forces.
How many points do you get for slamming a jet plane into a high rise full of sinners?
HOPING TO BE CHANGING THE CAR OIL DURING RAPTURE