Ditch That Heaven Where There Is No Beer
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your polytheistic rest stop on the crowded Turnpike of Life! Stretch your legs! Have a Cinnabon! And don't forget to patronize our God and Goddess Gift Emporium!
Today is one of those fun days when a deity has dropped by for a chat. We always enjoy that. Please give a great big round of applause to Goibhniu, Ancient Celtic God of This and That!
Goibhniu: This and that? Anne. For the love of ducks. Don't be such a wishy-washy whitewasher. I'm the god of steel weaponry, forger of swords, and as a sideline, God of beer.
Anne: I'm no fan of swords. Beer is another matter. Did you have something in particular you wanted to discuss?
Goibhniu: Just an observation. Did you know that your most recent commenter is a big-city journalist with a fascinating column about all things cheery and beery?
Anne: My soul! I had no idea! You mean this guy gets to write about beer all the time?
Goibhniu: I'm a God, and even I'm jealous.
Anne: That makes two of us. I never thought I'd hear of a job more rewarding than goat judging, but I just did.
Goibhniu: He has a web site too. It's here.
Anne: By all that's holy, I say wow-eeee! We here at "The Gods Are Bored" have an official astrologer, but we're sorely in need of an expert on The Liquid Without Which Life Would Be Intolerable.
Goibhniu: What's your favorite brand?
Anne: I like it from the tap. Otherwise, anything goes, even if I have to lap it out of a feed sack.
Goibhniu: I'd like to watch that.
Anne: So, honored deity. There's a song that goes: "In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here." Is that true?
Goibhniu: Depends entirely upon the pantheon you choose to worship. The ancient Egyptians took it with them. And we Celtic deities would never dream of throwing a party without it.
Anne: I guess the best part about drinking in the Afterworld is that you don't need a designated driver.
Goibhniu: Absolutely correct. Although sometimes the pixies get all tangled together and stay that way until they're sobered up.
Anne: So if I were to be a member of the Druid praise and worship team, for instance, I could look forward to a heavenly keg party now and then?
Goibhniu: How could it be heaven without beer?
Anne: Point taken. Thank you, Goibhniu, for joining us today at "The Gods Are Bored!" I'll pray to you the next time I hoist a brimming tankard!
Goibhniu: Just don't drink and drive.
Anne: Spoken like a God who loves and cares for me! All hail Goibhniu, all hail beer!
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
AREA 14, STAR 14