SCIENCE (NOT CREATION) PROVES FAIRIES EXIST
"Being able to pun, sing, or riddle will usually get you through fairy checkpoints. To deal with real fairies is to enter a realm of riddles and puzzle settings where what they punish is stupidity and what they love is intellectual cleverness."
--Terrence McKenna, 2003
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We love intellectual cleverness. And puns, too. Especially the unintentional ones. Like a guy named "Rush" who struggles with opiate addiction.
Please understand, we are not so hard on drug addicts here. We understand psychotropic substances and how addictive some of them are. The only time we make fun of anyone for an illness is when that person has hypocritically called for punishment of others while having the same sickness and covering it up.
Actually, we believe there's worse things than having a secret opiate addiction while calling for tougher drug possession penalties. And that would be? Convincing ordinary working Americans that the best thing for them is tax cuts for wealthy Americans.
But we digress. Today's topic: Scientific proof of fairies and Bigfoot!
And this isn't Creation Science, folks. See previous blogs for our opinion of that seminal line of research. In brief, we give the Intelligent Designer of the Universe as portrayed in the Bible at best a "C," and a warning that you never leave the toughest jobs (creating the human race) for a Friday. Find youself behind on deadlines, you're gonna cut corners. Next thing you know you've got people constructed on your image gassing millions of other people constructed on your image, just out of religious differences.
Gosh, today's Friday, and I'm not going to plug like I did, say, on Wednesday, when our president was out riding his bike.
Scientific proof of Bigfoot. A species of ape standing 9 feet tall has been identified from fossils in China and Mongolia. The extinct ape, named Gigantopithecus, stood erect in the manner of the Intelligent Designer, and might have lived into the Ice Age. If this creature lived into the Ice Age in China and Mongolia, it is highly likely that it was covered with white hair. Whether or not that is the case, it must certainly have had a big foot, and it most certainly was seen by Homo sapiens.
Scientific proof of fairies. A species of hominid standing 36 inches tall at full adulthood has been found in archeological deposits on an island off Indonesia. The bones have been nicknamed "hobbit" as the scientists decide on a species name. Along with these bones have been found bones of other island animals, clearly slaughtered with tools. On the island where the bones were found, there are many ancient "legends" of "little people" who would sneak out of the forest and steal things - including children.
The scientist who found the bitty hominid bones noted that islands sometimes produce diminutions of normal species.
Now here's where we make our giant leap of unscientific faith.
Either before, during, or after the last Ice Age, Homo sapiens arrives on the British Isles to find a species of forest-dwelling hominid, 36 inches tall or smaller at adulthood, that would creep out at night to steal things, including an occasional child. As Homo sapiens has a long and well-documented history of wiping clean whole biospheres, these small hominids disappear and become the stuff of legend.
Fairies, leprechauns, gnomes, sprites, elves. "Little People."
Trolls, giants, Bigfoot. "Big People."
Having said that, we at "The Gods Are Bored" are not about worshipping some extinct species of hominid. One presumes that no species of hominid ever flew, and fairies can fly. But just for the sake of conjecture, it's interesting to examine how close some ancient legends come to the evidence in the fossil record.
We are willing to concede the possibility that the Intelligent Designer, Creator of the Plan of Salvation for Mankind (note that we do not use inclusive language), deliberately buried all these fossils to seduce good people into Satanic beliefs and atheism. To which we reply: How intelligent and loving is that? I wouldn't try to trick my kids, The Heir and The Spare, into beliefs that would endanger them - say, for instance, that it's safe to ride a bike without a helmet, or crushed up OxyContin can't kill you.
Hey, Intelligent Designer. Fairies aren't perfect like you. But they've never presumed to be. At least on that point they're up front and honest.
Now I'm BOLTON on outta here, to begin a busy work day!