Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Morons on Main Street

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Does anyone know what to do about the faerie in my printer?

Okay, so we all know about the government's attempt to bail out the rotten stinking thieves on Wall Street. We also know that public opinion was so squarely against this bailout that the craven masses in Congress voted it down.

Now we're going to have a Great Depression, the final bequest of our fearless leader, George W. Bush.

So today, we at TGAB thought we would explain the Wall Street mess in a way that any moron could understand. That is, a moron who can read. Here goes:

1. Your beloved granny has been giving you lots of money for years. You bet some of it on football games and lost, so the bookie's out to collect.

2. A dude with a gun shoots your granny in front of your eyes. But there's a problem. In his non-gun hand, he's holding a red button that will set off a Doomsday Machine if he presses it.

3. The dude who just shot your granny demands that you give him a new gun, warning of Doomsday if you don't.

4. You refuse because the rat just shot your granny.

5. Doomsday, preceded by having your thumbs broken by an angry bookie.

Now, Main Street, do you get it?

Probably not. I used big words.


yellowdog granny said...

gee, that makes sense..should send that to bush in an email...even he might get it...nah, probably not.

Emily G. W. Lilly said...

Did you notice that the only ones who voted against the bailout were the Representatives currently facing tough re-election bids? The ones who do not have challengers this year (or at least, not credible ones) happily voted in favor of the bailout, despite getting lots of letters, emails and calls. My Rep (running unopposed) received 5 emails from me, and voted in favor of the Bailout.

It's amazing what the threat of throwing the bums out can do!

_Every_ seat needs to be contested, _every_ election cycle--it's the only way to keep them honest.

Oh, and be sure to keep watching them, because they are liable to try to pass some different bailout later this week.

sageweb said...

Now I completely understand. Only if our senators could comprehend it.

Jeff Lilly said...

Are you saying we should have given this man a gun?

You know he's a murderer. Isn't it likely he's a liar too? He SAYS he has a Doomsday device. Do you believe him?

In other words, I do not think a Great Depression will come. The people who are claiming a depression is on the way are the same ones who are demanding our money. I don't trust 'em!

SubtleKnife said...

I don't know about the faerie in your printer in particular, but I've experienced good results on them with hunky repairmen... ;)

Anyway, I use my laser eyes to fuse the Doomsday mechanism and the guy ends up hanging from the highest mast I can find. By his belt, of course, which is around his waist, not anywhere else.

Case solved. Next?

THE Michael said...

If we were made of half the steel we once were, we would round up every one of these asswipes who made up these fantasy loans or simply preyed on poor peoples hopes for a piece of the "American Dream", put their slimey heads in stocks, and let them experience the shame of rotton fruit and vegetable justice, THEN charge them with fraud and jail them.

It's the victims of all this financial slight of hand that need bailing out, not these slick snake-oil salesmen who feed Republicans bags of our money to keep them "de-regulated".

Hell, they BURNED us for alot less........

BBC said...

Main street? I don't live there.

Now we're going to have a Great Depression,

So? Being as you know that, are you ready for it? I am.

I used big words.

I've always avoided big words on my blogs. Small words reach more people and I think that wordsmiths are just idiots that like to make complex words to replace simple words.

That of course makes the world more complex and hard to understand.

But to get the most folks to understand what you are saying talk like a hillbilly or country folk, not like an educated idiot that thinks big words are important and makes you seem educated.

I put much more stock in simple words on blogs than I do complex words.

Anne Johnson said...

Then why do you bother coming to this blog? "Educated idiot" is an oxymoron. Proceed to "Dora the Explorer," without passing Go.