Exclusive Interview with Sarah Palin!
Welcome to "The Gods Are Boards!" Today you are in luck ... it's me, Puck! Anyone who's new here, don't be wary. I'm just your typical badass faerie!
Yesterday I went over to Fox News and pretended to be an intern from Bryan College. I asked if I could interview Sarah "whiter shade of" Palin. I'm so blessed! They said yes! And here she is now. More moose than cow.
Puck: Welcome, future vice prescient! And don't worry about a single little thing. I'll ask real easy questions, okay?
Palin: Look, Puck. I can answer hard questions, all right? Don't lob softballs at me. I'm ready to be president of the United States, Puck.
Puck: Of coarse you are. So. Here's the first question. What happened to Humpty Dumpty when he sat on a wall?
Palin: He could see Russia.
Puck: What did Little Bo Peep lose?
Palin: Her virginity. But only after marriage, Puck.
Puck: Is it true that you opposed the Bridge to Nowhere because trolls don't like to live under bridges in Alaska because of the climate?
Palin: How did you know that, Puck?
Puck: Now, my deer. I'm posting the questions here! Finish the rhyme: "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children..."
Palin: "She had to hire three nannies."
Puck: What does a stitch in time save?
Palin: A snitch?
Puck (to himself) This lady seems like a fine national leader to me! (To Palin) What's black and white and red all over?
Palin: Puck, I know that one! Wait ... wait ... it's coming to me ... emmmmm. Oh golly. I'll have to get back to you on that, Puck.
Puck: Okay. Spell "potato."
Palin: That's not fair, Puck! I need a chalkboard!
Puck: Final question. What is the first thing you will do when you're sworn in as president? Because, let's face it, your running mate is so long in the tooth he might as well be a beached walrus.
Palin: Actually, Puck, I don't have any plans for governance. I'm going to turn it all over to God Almighty, and maybe a few Assembly of God preachers, and just let Armageddon take its course.
Puck: And where exactly do you see faeries standing when Armageddon gets underway?
Palin: Knee-deep in a lake of fire in hell, Puck.
Puck: Faeries in hell? (Methinks this doth smell.) Ms. Palin, your brain doesn't work very well.
Palin: Are you callin' me a moron? Where's my hunting rifle?
Puck: Here's the show-stopper. You left it in the chopper.
"Being able to pun, sing, or riddle will usually get you through fairy checkpoints. To deal with real fairies is to enter a realm of riddles and puzzle settings where what they punish is stupidity and what they love is intellectual cleverness."