Saturday, January 26, 2008

Frank Talk about Sex with Cell Phones

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We value your call. In order to serve you better, please listen to our menu of prompts.

If you want to speak to a bored god, press 1 now.
If you want to order the dog-training video by Rick Santorum, press 2 now.
If you want pizza, press 3 now.
If you want the world to watch you having sex, press 4 now.
(I saw you! You blushed!)

Do you have a cell phone? I have one, and I'll be doggoned if I can get it to work. But that might actually be a good thing, because some of the stuff cell phones can do these days can get you into deep buzzard barf.

We'll use a hypothetical young lady named Debbie for our educational film, "The Cell Phone: A Man-Made Menace."

Debbie and her significant other decide to get it on, and they turn on their cell phone's video recorder for the fun of it. And when they're finished getting it on, wow-ee, there's something fun to watch on that long bus ride to high school!

Except that Debbie's pal borrows the phone, watches the hot stuff, and beams it to Debbie's ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend, you choose). The ex, steamed to the max, beams "Debbie Does Ditzville" to just about everyone on his call list.

Pretty soon, dear old Debbie is Doing Detroit, Dubuque, Duluth, Dublin, Des Moines, Daytona, Dresden, Dubai, Denmark, Down Under, and ... we should never forget Dallas.

Worse than that. With his unlimited powers of phone-tapping, President Bush has deemed Debbie dangerous, and now she's Doing the Department of Defense.

Finally, Debbie's brother Darren down in Delaware gets a copy of the drama on his phone. He dials Debbie's dad, who's driven to drink by the debacle.

If you think this can't happen, you should read the newspaper more often.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" aren't going to tell you how to use your cell phone. But you might want to think twice before you hit the "record" button and then get hot and heavy with your honey.

Gives a whole new meaning to "come to the phone."


kayakdave said...

Dog gone!

yellowdog granny said...

hot dang.!...well, don't have to worry about me on the phone..I am probably the last person in the usofa that doesn't have a cell phone..they give me a pain in the granddaughters keep telling me I need to get one in case the truck breaks donw and I need some help...I said I live in a town of 2,000..I could break down and walk to one of my friends,kin folk or strangers house and not break a I haven't had sex in 23 years...soooo

Aquila ka Hecate said...

This happens quite a lot down here, too.

That's not one of the reasons I haven't had a cellphone these last couple of years though.

I refuse to be 'contactable' on the loo, or when I'm asleep, or reading, or visiting The Gods Are Bored.

Funnily enough, everyone accepts this from me.
Eccentric middle age has its perks.

Terri in Joburg

BBC said...

I bought a cell phone a few years ago during a brain fart. Only used it about four times, stopped buying minutes for it and it's only good for 911 now.

Works for me, I don't much like talking on phones.