Friday, January 25, 2008

At Last! Universal Agreement!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored" on this momentous afternoon ... we have found something upon which every one of our readers will agree upon totally!

Middle School sucks.

If you disagree, I apologize for saying this, but you're a bonehead.

As you can see, I've loaded a picture of the French forces storming the Bastille onto this blog entry. Because I've never seen a Middle School that didn't deserve being stormed by bloodthirsty French peasants bent upon liberating the poor oppressed inmates!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not examining a Middle School with a one-sided perspective. As I see it, here's what's wrong with Middle School:

1. the students
2. the teachers
3. the administrators
4. (okay, I do single this group out for special hatred) the secretaries

To sum it up in one sentence: Middle School is somewhere that no one wants to be except the principal. And he or she is looking at the "Help Wanted" ads every day for a high school opening.

Do you remember Middle School? I got beaten up by a gang of girls because one of them said I looked at her boyfriend with lust in my heart. (That's not exactly how she put it, but this is a family values blog.) As I recalled it, I simply looked at the guy the way you'd look at a stop sign when you were making a right turn at the end of a street.

Do you remember zits? I got one right on top of my nose that looked like Mont Blanc (keeping with la theme francaise). I popped it. It erupted. I have a scar to this day.

Do you remember Middle School? My daughter The Spare has a teacher who's probably vying for tenure. The Spare has so much homework in this one class that it probably surpasses the entire homework load that most high schoolers carry home at the end of a day. One of her assignments this week was to define five words with the root ver (truth). So here's an 8th grader who's expected to know what "verisimilitude" means. Test next Friday.

You know who's eternally happy to be in Middle School forever? The cockroaches in the kitchen. But even they become wretched in the summertime when they have to subsist on textbook paste and overlooked zit pus.

My personal Bastille Day from Middle School was June 8, 1973. Isn't it remarkable that I can remember the exact day? Not really. I declared it a holy day at midnight on June 8, 1973 and have done something special on June 8 every single year since that time.

This spring my daughter The Heir will graduate from high school. My daughter The Spare will graduate from Middle School. I doggone well know which party should be the biggest, most expensive, and rowdiest. But when you've gone through Middle School three times (self, Heir, Spare), you can't help but stage a humongous bash for the end of Middle School for ever and ever.

You see, I've made a personal vow not to live to see my grandchildren enter Middle School. Awful, yes, but enough is enough.

I'll let the Great God Bumba have the final say on Middle School.


yellowdog granny said...

let me see..the most humilating event in my middle school years?....the fact that I spent almost every afternoon in the principle's office for various offenses...disrespetful behavior,talking in class, not paying attention,unruly behavior, telling dirty jokes,giving the finger to a class mate,foul and unlady like language,and other small crimes and misdomeaners...the principle was so used to me spending at least an hour a day in his office that he let me bring magazines and books in to read, and eventually I would take phone messages for him when he had to go out..other than that..i loved it..

BBC said...

I didn't think middle school was all that bad, I actually learned some important things in a small town middle school.

And my first year of high school was okay. Then we moved to a much bigger town and much bigger school. I ended up dropping out.

No big deal, I went on to get an education that was good for me and what I wanted to do, the trades. Working them got me through life just fine and I love having those skills.

As an adult I've taken a few short collage courses, one was a great emotional healing course. And a Dale Carnage course, it was good. A a Ford Service Managers class.

And I've done some teaching. Computers and trade skills. As a service manager in Ford Dealerships part of my job was to keep the mechanics well trained.

Anonymous said...

Middle school was awful for me (though honestly grammar school was filled with more emotional torment and physical bullying) and is even worse for my own teenager Miss Angst.

I cannot wait to see her "Escape" to high school and leave it forever behind her.


Mama Kelly

Anonymous said...

My older daughter is graduating middle school this year, and my younger is starting next year, so I still have 3 more years to go. Anne, you've forgotten all the wonderful things you can learn in middle school, like... well actually I can't think of anything either. Kayla

Anonymous said...

HEY MOMMMY! this bloggy posty thingy really tells the truth i mean school suxs middle school ugh i mean not only are u at the risk of being made fun of for not wearing the right aberzombie and bitch clothes ( i hate it there if u hadnt noticed) but u also have to worry about ur grades it so f'in annoying god i can not wait till june 21! the day i go to...ugh highschool
were everything is for the future! GOD I DONT WANT TO GO MOMMY! ill never grow up no ill never grow up! lol well heres hoping i make it till the end of the year! auvoir the spare!
speaking of auvoir french class makes me want to NOT skip around in a flied full of ponies and unicorns and DUCK I LOVE DUCKS!

Anne Johnson said...

and I love you, Spare.

laura2663 said...

How cool that you were liberated on your little cousin's 7th birthday! I'm glad it's a happy day for you, too. I went to "Junior High," which we affectionately called "jail."

Love ya!