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I'm a day late on this one, but apparently the Washington Post reports some health directive telling women that, from puberty to menopause, they should always consider themselves "pre-pregnant" and act accordingly.
Duly noted. My daughters, The Heir (16) and The Spare (12) will be beginning their regimen of folic acid vitamins tomorrow morning. I guess they'd better start having sex too. It's ever so much more of a burden to be pre-pregnant if you're also a virgin.
I don't know why I got to thinking about this last night after a soothing glass of Pinot. But we all know what happens when Anne starts thinking!
GREEN ACRES FOR THE PRE-PREGNANT
By Anne and some Really, Really Moronic TV Theme Song Writer
He:
Green Acres is the place to be,
FaaaaaAAAArm livin' is the life for me!
Land stretchin' out so far and wide,
Take Manhattan, just give me that countryside!
She:
Newww Yoooohrk is where I'd rother stay.
I get allergic smelling hay!
I just adore my penthouse view.
Darling, I love you, but give me Park Avenue.
He:
The chores!
She:
The stores!
He:
Fresh air!
She:
Times Square!
He (slightly threatening):
You are my wife .....
She:
So?
He:
Hey. You're supposed to shout "Goodbye, City Life!" and get dragged bodily from your posh penthouse by my firm grip!
She:
Get a real grip, wacko. Let's look at this honestly. You expect me to change my entire lifestyle, to live with crippling allergies in substandard conditions, because you want to move to the country. Forget it. I'm calling the best divorce lawyer in town.
He:
But .... Honey!
She:
Don't "honey" me. I went down there to "Petticoat Junction" with you. I saw those cute chicks at the Shady Rest Hotel. Why should I pull up stakes and go with you, just to find myself stranded in the woods when you say I "haven't grown" with you, you're heading off to Manhattan with Billi Jo? Bye Bye, farm boy!
He:
Whatever happened to "honor and obey?" It's the Green Acres way!
She pelts him with folic acid tablets until he runs into the hall for cover. Then she throws all his clothes out the window. From penthouse height, they float dreamily down into the Manhattan rush hour traffic.
GREEN ACRES, SHE AIN'T THERE!
Some wombs prefer a view.
FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
AREA 14, STAR 14
2 comments:
Well why aren't there equal restrictions on all men from age 14 through 99? Don't we want them to be sure to have the healthiest possible sperm? Aren't all men pre-support-paying???????
Great Post I love the take off on green acres
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