Tuesday, May 02, 2006

On Immigration

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If you're a first-timer, hello hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello!

What are the two topics you never mention in polite company? Politics and religion. Well, that's what we talk about here. Politics and religion, not usually in that order.

Immigration. People sneaking across the border into America, braving waterless desert trying to find a job. Other people with heat sensors and walkie-talkies trying to keep them out. Not enough jobs for the folks already here! These dirty immigrants wind up on welfare, trying to have babies so the babies will be citizens.

Excuse me. Can we talk?

The problem with human beings is that they don't think geologically. This is because we're an insufficiently evolved species.

What human being is native to North America? A Sioux? An Inuit?

BAMP! Wrong!

Human beings evolved in Africa and spread out across the whole globe. So if you don't live in Africa, you are an immigrant. Every single person living in North America is an immigrant.

Wanna argue the point? Are you a sloth, a macaw, a raccoon? Are you an ear of corn? A belted kingfisher?

None of the above? Then you're not a Native American.

Native American Exhibit A

Whether the first humans arrived here 100,000 years ago or 30,000 years ago, we are all geologic newcomers to North America. And there's one commonality that we all share:

If we had been content where we were, we wouldn't have moved in.

Whether your ancestors came here in little wooden boats in 1720 (like mine), or crawled across the desert 10 years ago, they were running from something. Poverty, violence, religious or political oppression, the pesky sheriff who wanted to hang them. Take your pick.

I don't know how we'll find jobs for all these people. But then, back in the 1880s no one knew how we would find jobs for all those Irish running from the Potato Famine.

Recent immigrants will work for pennies on the dollar against unionized Americans? Well, then, somehow we'll have to organize these newcomers so they aren't scabs. Gosh, judging from yesterday, what would it take to get them activated?

I'm no politician. I've got no answers. But if you've ever tried to make a goat stay somewhere it doesn't want to be, you know how futile it is to argue the same point with a Homo sapiens.

My only suggestion: sensible family planning. Sorry, Pope Rat, but that's the only reasonable solution for our species.

Folks. Stop breeding. If you have a Heir and a Spare, stop breeding.

Give the real Native Americans a chance at survival. Extinction does not please the bored gods.


1 comment:

buddy don said...

i used to wunder whut ye meant by heir n spare, but now i git it.

i dont now much bout goats, but i do know this: ifn thar free, they seem to wonta git up on the highest place around. but ifn ye try to keep em tied up, thar a mess (speshly the males).

how differnt kin folks be frum that?