Friday, September 12, 2008

Better a Gram than a Damn


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" It's me, Anne Johnson, recovering from surgery with the help of legally-prescribed painkillers.

In other words, I'm stoned.

This picture of the bored God Morpheus (recumbent) and the bored Goddess Isis (luscious) about sums it up.

I'm told I have to take these mind-numbing pharmaceuticals in order to control pain. As Aldous Huxley put it, "Better a gram than a damn." But frankly, I'd much rather cuss. Know why? Because when the pain starts to ebb and the scrip runs out, then I'll be a cranky, anxious, nasty, nervous, sleepless jerk with a rotten, depressed attitude.

How did Rush Limbaugh do it? One little pill turns my day into a fog. He was taking about 60 of those suckers every day!

O mighty bored God Morpheus, please don't be offended, but can I ease out of your seductive presence now?

Ouch! Damn!

Maybe not just yet.

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8 Comments:

At September 12, 2008 , Blogger democommie said...

Hi, Anne:

Assuming it's oxy and assuming you're a normal human being anything up to about 10mg would prolly be fine, several times a day. I had some freaky nasty pain when I had cervical fusion last year (not in my neck, but my shoulders and upper arms) and I ate 60 or so 5/500 oxy-ibu combos in about 6 days. After not being able to sleep for a couple of weeks I finally got my surgeon to put me on Lyrica (they give it to people with diabetic neuropathy and shingles)==worked like a charm. Oh, yeah, not to be indelicate, but if you enjoy pooping, take stool softeners, stat!

 
At September 12, 2008 , Blogger THE Michael said...

Being extremely allegic to pain, I feel yours. I was taking ambien to get sleep while my eye was so irritating to me, but now that I have had surgery and the irritation is all but gone, I still have trouble sleeping without help, which means I probably developed a dependency in the very short time I was on these damn pills. I am trying to wean off of them. I hate drugs. The legal ones, at least.........

 
At September 12, 2008 , Blogger yellowdog granny said...

maybe it's time to find a friend that can get you some herbal relief..
I am allergic to pain meds..makes my throat swell up and can't breathe..so i had to do alot of low doses to keep the pain back..i suggest a shot of whiskey and a bullet to bite on..get better..your missed

 
At September 12, 2008 , Blogger BBC said...

Pleased to know that you are doing well, the last time I had a surgery they gave me meds but I wouldn't take them, drank some beer and bit the bullet instead.

The first night was the hardest, after that it was piece of cake, but I am a tough old bugger.

Isis has nice perky boobs, I'd kiss them. Wait, I did kiss them, omnipresent spirit that I am.

 
At September 13, 2008 , Blogger Thalia said...

I was like, Isis? With little faery wings and a rainbow?

Oh, that's probably Iris, Goddess of Rainbows.

Though I suppose it is not polite to quibble spelling with a person on painkillers, sorry.

Hope you feel better soon!

 
At September 13, 2008 , Blogger Athana said...

Jeesh, Anne, sorry to hear you had to go under the knife! What a big, fat drag!

Thanks for doing a post despite Morpheus pulling you down into the painkiller pits - that way we at least know you're okay.

Has Mr. Johnson gone out yet and purchased a ton of your favorite food, to help you feel better? It needs to be a ton of something you rarely if ever indulge in -- say 2 dozen Dunkin Doughnuts slathered with icing on top and stuffed with high-fat filling. Then you eat them all at once. Or at least as many as you can without feeling worse than you do now.

Sending you lots of healing energy,

Athana

 
At September 14, 2008 , Blogger Anne Johnson said...

Mr. Johnson has gone the extra mile. He has done the laundry, fed and cleaned up after the cats, mopped the kitchen floor (he allowed it's a tough job), and he's waiting on me very patiently. But no doughnuts ... yet. I'll have to see to that.

 
At September 15, 2008 , OpenID sabrinam82 said...

Glad to see you are back to blogging, and in fine form, too, even if you are stoned. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
-Sabrina

 

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