Friday, May 19, 2006
Opus Dei v. Res Divina
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We've been promoting deities who've been handed pink slips or buyouts while the One God Juggernaut rolls on. Join us! Our operators are standing by to take your call!
Today in the otherwise sane Philadelphia Inquirer, the op-ed page was dedicated to Opus Dei. Some lawyer from the Main Line wrote in saying he was in Opus Dei, a layman trying to live by the Scriptures, go to daily Mass, pray a rosary, and also get his day's work done and care for his kids. (So far, except for the names of the services, he's a Mormon.)
Then, after snookering you in to feeling that, hey, maybe Opus Dei isn't some fanatical secret society with a worldwide agenda, he lets the cat out of the bag.
Opus Dei is unifying force, he says, against the secularists and the pagans out there, who are growing in numbers and influence every day.
Translation: We at Opus Dei want to make the world Roman Catholic. That's our agenda, people. Live or die with it.
Duh. I wonder why secularists and pagans are growing in numbers every day?
As always, we at "The Gods Are Bored" have a fantastic solution to this vexing problem!
My Latin isn't strong. I didn't go to Catholic School. (surprise, surprise!) I only had one year of Latin in public school. So if I get this wrong, correct me:
Translation: Work for the Gods
You, yes you, could be a part of a new secret society, Res Divina, Work for the Gods! All you have to is promise to be completely open-minded about all the praise and worship teams out there! Don't spend hours praying that everyone in the world accept your sect's Plan of Salvation. Accept that there maybe, just maybe, might be multiple Plans of Salvation!
You'll save a lot of money, too, because Res Divina doesn't have to send big bucks to the Vatican. Or to "Focus on the Family." Or to the Committee to Re-Elect Senator Rick Santorum.
Heck, with the money you save, you might be able to take the tot to the doctor for that DPT shot!
So join Res Divina today, and adopt a big, broad, flexible outlook!
Well, we do have one commandment.
Don't stain the furniture.
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
AREA 14, STAR 14