Welcome to First Church of Vulture, Apostolic and Unreformed. Hear the voice crying out in the wilderness for the family of Vulture!
The great God Vulture has learned that a minion of the Satan with False Hair Growth has, with the stroke of a poison pen, re-instated the use of lead ammunition in the nation's wild lands.
Vulture deems this an abomination.
Lo, Vulture has spoken unto me the curse He will visit on those who propel poisoned metals into the flesh, fields, and waterways of our land. Hear the word of Vulture!
VULTURE CURSES HUNTERS WHO USE LEAD BULLETS
1. Your spouse and children will not respect you.
2. You will worry about making enough money for all of your days.
3. Your private parts will be the smallest and ugliest in any locker room.
4. Your descendants will wait eagerly for your death, so they can have your stuff, yea most especially your guns and ammo.
VULTURE CURSES CABINET SECRETARIES WHO LEGALLY ABET THE USE OF LEAD BULLETS
1. The horse you came in on will shit on your shoes.
2. Your private parts will be the smallest and ugliest in the entire Western Hemisphere. Babies will laugh.
3. You will have the boss from Hell. He will torment your days, and even when you no longer work for him, your former people will remember. And hate you.
4. You, and all of your lead-loving buddies will die and go to
LEAD BULLET HELL
Where demons in the guise of Disney Princesses will make rude jokes about your private parts while pelting you with molten base metals, the more pustular skin diseases, and the ragged remains of Remington rifles.
Thus sayeth Vulture: READ THIS WHILE YOU STILL CAN, AND REPENT! The fate of the California condor is at stake!
If the California condors don't survive this wretched setback, I can double guarantee and promise you that Vulture will lay a SMITE on this wretched nation that will make us all beg to become carcasses.
The word of Vulture for the people of Vulture. Thanks be to Vulture.