Thursday, March 23, 2017

An Open Letter to the Jackass with the Donald Trump Bumper Sticker

(Apologies, y'all. I've been watching a lot of really, really terrific spoken word poetry. I'm not a poet, but I did steal the "open letter" concept.)

An Open Letter to the Jackass with the Donald Trump Bumper Sticker

Yes! I saw you in the east bound lanes of Route 70 Thursday afternoon! You pulled up parallel to me, honked your horn, and held up your TRUMP bumper sticker that you must have had handy on the passenger seat next to you.

It was handy because you had no passenger. No one to fill the empty seat in your snowy white Cadillac Escalade. No one to hold your tiny hand or your TRUMP sticker. Lonesome boy!

I couldn't help noticing that your Escalade, while painted snowy white, had a thickish coat of gray grime. You know why, jackass? YOU LIVE IN NEW JERSEY, the Smokestack State! Your tags give it away! Who buys a white car in New Jersey? My guess is, a racist.

And now I have another rhetorical question. Why isn't the TRUMP bumper sticker ON YOUR CAR? I have my RESIST sticker right where everyone can see it. That's how you knew to flash me your TRUMP.  You saw RESIST and pulled up beside me.

Holding your bumper sticker in your hand. In your Escalade. Where you were alone.

Could it be that you aren't proud enough of your candidate to put his name on your SUV? No, wait. It's not that. YOU LIVE IN NEW JERSEY. This state voted so blue that you can't tell the sky from the ground. This state is so blue that Elvis sings about it at Christmas time. It's so blue  it needs Prozac. This state is so blue it could be a Viking's eyes. In this state, Dorothy and Toto go to the Sapphire City. NEW JERSEY IS THE FREAKIN PAST TENSE OF BLOW.

So while I can tootle around in my decrepit Saturn with my RESIST bumper sticker proudly displayed, You, jackass, run risks putting TRUMP on your Escalade. Your prissy truck could get keyed at the mall!

But wait. There's more.

You moved into my lane and got in front of me. You have a Cadillac. And yet when we got to the exit for Snobville, I was the one who exited, and you kept going down Route 70 toward Cherry Hill and its eight large synagogues. Was that your destination? Jersey tags, you must live in the area. But you don't live in Snobville. I do! Tra la la, Snobville went 65% for Hillary Clinton! I used to hate Snobville, but since those election results came in, I've been quite happy in my snobby home.

Stupid conspicuous consumer in your ugly high-end gas guzzler! Drive on. Alone. Right to the end of the road ... and then into the ocean. Because you should be shark food.

Anne Johnson


Bob Slatten said...

That's how _____ won' the people who supported, and support, him are the Silent Racists who hide their racism until the last second and then hold it up for you to see, or vote it into office, all the while pretending that isn't who they are.

anne marie in philly said...

HELL YEAH! fuck that racist pig neanderthal knuckle-dragger! hope his lily-white car crashes and burns, taking him with it!

Birdie said...

This is a great post. What I wouldn't give to have him read it.
Last week I was at a client's home and one of her sons came to visit. His mother lives in one of the worst homes I have ever been in and I have been in a lot. (I'm a Community Health Worker) The home is so bad the only hope for it is a bulldozer. It's sad. It's one of the homes that makes me feel inadequate because there is nothing to do to make it better. Anyway, son drives up in his BMW. He is talking to the other brother about how much money he has and how the poor are all stupid and how all the soup kitchens should be shut down and blah, blah, blah. A class A-asshole. I couldn't say anything, I'm at work. But really. The arrogance. His own mother lives in poverty and he can't even see to it that she gets a clothes dryer. (She currently hangs clothes all over the inside of the house.) What is it with so many of the wealthy? It wears me down.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yay Snobville and New Jersey!

Jono said...

Don't worry, there will be karma.

Janie Junebug said...

People who have "great" jobs, who have everything they want, think it should be so easy for everyone else to do the same. I have a sister (very wealthy) who asks me all the time why I don't get a job. How about because no one will hire me for something I can do? How about the car accident in which I broke my back in five places? I can't sit for long; I can't stand for long. What am I supposed to do? I'm sick of being the poor one in my family, even though I have everything I truly need. It's the people who look down on me that I can't take. It's Donald Trump that I can't take.


e said...

Yes, indeed, his car would be keyed. He would be shunned, laughed at, demeaned, argued with, disregarded, side-lined, or the object of unending rants... if he were brave enough to put his sticker on his car.


Debi said...

Mic DROP, Anne OUT! perfect! ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ xoDebi


only stupid people would wave signs telling everyone they're stupid