X Treme Navel Gaze: Heir and Spare

I have become forgetful. I lose things. I'm not even blaming the faeries anymore. They no longer plague me, because they see they will no longer stand accused.

Therefore I am recording the text of my birthday cards from the Heir and the Spare here on TGAB, where they will never become lost ... unless the whole Internet explodes into a cyber black hole.

Birthday Card Text #!: The Heir

"You are a very special part of my universe." -- True!

Mom,
I love you with all my heart. Continue to stay strong. Embrace peace and take care of yourself. Love yourself as much as I love you. Remember how much you are loved and take pleasure in knowing this. I wish you the best. Much love and peace on your birthday. 
Love forever,
Heir


Birthday Card Text #2: The Spare
(Front of hand-drawn card, a vulture sitting on a birthday cake: "This cake is to sweet, just like you!"

Dearest Momma J,
You are incredibly weird, quirky, strange and silly and I wouldn't want you to be any other way. Of all the mothers I have ever had you are by far my favorite. So much of me is a direct result of you. People always ask me how I got the imagination I have and I always answer, it's because my mothers a nut, but a lovable nut ... like an almond or a pistachio. You are beautiful, kind & nutrituring (I know I spelled that wrong. blame my editor). I am so proud of all the wonderful things you do with your life (though you may think otherwise, you dummy). You are the strongest person I know, which is why your my role model (screw Tina Fey, my mom is cooler anyway).
HAPPY Birthday!
Your daughter The Spare & Beta

Any tiger mom who would fling these sentiments back at the writers because of misspellings or brevity should not be allowed to nutriture a child.