Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Few Words from Joe MONTANA

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," sports fans! If you follow pro sports at all (and I know some of you do), you have to feel just a little bit sorry for a Phillies/Eagles fan today. Wowsa, did we have an awful weekend!

This is Joe Montana. He's a famous quarterback, and that's just about all I know about him. For the purposes of this post, Joe was chosen for his name. Montana. Get it?

Love him or hate him, Joe Montana did most of his playing on Sunday. A dizzying majority of NFL games are played on Sunday. You've got Monday night, Thanksgiving, and an odd Saturday here and there. Otherwise, the Day of Rest is anything but, if you make millions on the gridiron.

Can you imagine Sundays without football? Can you remember when the stores were all closed on Sunday? Do you recall a time when you didn't have to drive your kid to soccer games on Sunday? Golly, they play those puppies on Sunday mornings! The effrontery!

When it comes to entertainment, retail, and amateur sporting events, Sunday is the best day to git r done. Right, Joe? (I think he played in a few Super Bowls. If you know more, share.)

The Amish and the Old Order Mennonites do not work on Sunday. They even cook Sunday dinner on Saturday, so they don't have to work in the kitchen. The entirety of Sunday is spent in church, or lounging at someone's home. I don't know what they do about tending the livestock, but suffice it to say that they don't make book on the 49ers and then cluster around the big screen, cheering every play.

A national movement that would change the District of Columbia to the District of Christ might have its own ideas about how Sunday should be spent. No more NFL? No more quick jaunts to Target for trouser socks? No more kid soccer, band practice, Broadway shows? Would the new slogan be, "Bring Back the Blue Laws?" The founders of Chick-fil-a would sure go for that!

Way back when I was a Methodist, I remember one Sunday when the bishop came to preach at our church. He was a zealous dude, all done up in fancy robes. The first thing he said when he came to the pulpit was, "If you think you're getting home from here in time to watch the Eagles today, think again. If watching the Eagles is more important than your soul, get up and leave now."

He then preached a 90-minute sermon. If looks could kill, the Eagles fans in that congregation would have struck that pious windbag down like you stomp a spider that's after your kitten.

Long pass from Montana to Jerry Rice made short, a Christian theocracy could change the contours of Sunday for us all. Considering how poorly the Eagles played this week, I'd say to Cindy Jacobs ... bring it on.


Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. Play ball!


Intense Guy said...

I could easy (and do) pass up on the football nonsense. Today's (most recent) meaningless Eagles game will not matter the slightest to any intelligent adult ... already ... let alone next weel or next year.

Perhaps the Amish have the right idea (even if the reason is somewhat suspect)... The crass over(commercialism) of everthing seems to be the American way - can we not find balance in anything???

Debra She Who Seeks said...

"If watching the Eagles is more important than your soul, get up and leave now." I'm enough of a contrarian that I would have left. Screw football, but who does that arrogant bastard think he is?

Anne Johnson said...

@Debra, guess what? About a dozen men got up and left! Word!

Lavanah said...

Keep it up, Anne! Although the cause of these posts is not a happy one, your blog posts on the 50 States and the Establishment clause is one of the high points of my days.

BellaDonna said...

And I thought my husband was the only one who could manage to work football into a truly meaningful conversation...

Wouldn't it be funny if the Christian God turned out to be a football fan???? ::fangy grin::

John Beckett said...

The mind can only comprehend as much as the butt can endure.

A 90 minute sermon says two things: "I think I'm so important I can rearrange your plans for you" and "I don't have the skills to express myself concisely."