Monday, December 01, 2008

The Great Christmas Giveaway Continues!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," Pagan humor and essential upholstery maintenance tips since 2005! Damask? Just ask!

Ahhhh. Thanksgiving is over, and that means one thing ... time for the hog-wallow, hard-to-swallow, flee-or-follow debacle known as Christmas!

I call it Christmas because I'm afraid if I don't, Bill O'Reilly will rear-end my car.

First I'd like to congratulate Yellowdog Granny on her big win of the neon-colored candy canes! Use them wisely, Granny.

Today's Christmas contest item is far more practical. In fact, you may crave it to the point of grovelling.

Every family has an Auntie Em whose dearest goal in life is to qualify for the Daughters of the American Revolution. Even though she's searched her family tree back to a cluster of Armenian refugees who arrived at Ellis Island with nothing but a work ethic, she's still tugging at the roots of the old ancestral bush, hoping to find just that one Minuteman who fled at the first sound of gunshot from the highly-trained and well-equipped British Regulars of 1777.

Auntie sighs whistfully as she scans the Society Page and sees all the D.A.R. poobahs at their teas. Oh, to belong! To have a sash, a ribbon, an insignia pin!

Yours Truly has all those things. Except the sash. You gotta be a Grand Poobah to earn a sash, and I'm not even a Marginally Functional Poobah. I just pay my D.A.R. dues every year, hoping one of these days to be brimming to the plimsol line with empty hours to fill by sipping tea at luncheons.

Ah, but help is on the way for Auntie Em! And you will be her favorite niece/nephew for an entire year! (If that Armenian work ethic has paid off -- probably has -- you might get some nice $$$$$ out of this.)

This week's Great Christmas Giveaway is ... a 2009 Official D.A.R. calendar!!!!

Yes, folks, it's the annual calendar the Daughters of the American Revolution sends out to all its membership, hoping to glean a little extra donation over and above the dues.
This year's calendar features full-page color pictures of elaborate samplers created by young females in the era of the Revolutionary War and beyond. Imagine your eight-year-old daughter, sitting by a sunny window for eight hours straight, stitching away at a slice of linen, just to prove she can do pretty work!

Field hockey practice is starting to look good, huh?

But anyway. Auntie Em will just faint over this calendar. She can hang it in a prominent place, and everyone who visits her will assume that she belongs to the D.A.R. -- how else would she get the free calendar? It's sent exclusively to members!

All you have to do to be eligible for this superior freebie is to leave a comment between now and Friday next. I'll choose a winner at random. Be sure to put your email address on your comment if you don't own a blog of your own.

How can I be this generous with such a fabulous (cheaply printed) calendar? Well, not to brag or anything, but my family is chock-a-block with Minutemen who cowered behind rocks. And my calendar needs are filled by the school/community calendar that Snobville produces each year and mails to me (requesting a donation).

Take advantage of this incredible largesse! And if you can't think of anything to comment about, tell me what you think of Bill O'Reilly.


Erik said...

Hey, I know some of those people...

I'm eligible for the S.A.R. myself (oddly, a much less well-known organization), and my daughter would be eligible for both the D.A.R. and the Daughters of the Confederacy (one scary group of people!) if she ever cared to join...

Evn said...

As a high school graduation present, my great-aunt had me inducted into the Sons of the Confederacy.

Sometimes, being Southern is awkward.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Oh, your D.A.R. calendar sounds absolutely fabulous! I'm sure many will covet it. Unfortunately, I can't even try to pretend passing myself off as a D.A.R. member because at the time of the American Revolution, my American ancestors from New Jersey all buggered off to Canada as United Empire Loyalists. And here we still are, eh?

KrisMrsBBradley said...

Oh, dang, my mom asked for a calender for Xmas - we are exchanging homemade or less than $10 gifts on my side of the family, because, well, we're all poor on my side.

This would be perfect! Fingers crossed!

Anne Johnson said...

Erik, if you have kids, the UDC has tons of scholarship money to hand out. If you join ... ick.

Evn, people like you are changing the South one day at a time.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure my grandmother is the oldest living (or at least longest serving) DAR member around. She's been a member for about 79 years. And yes, she's had the sash. And has marched as the grand marshall in a parade.

sageweb said...

Wow the DAR calender sounds good and sexy. I actually had no idea there was a DAR.

yellowdoggranny said...

I think my kinfolk got throw out of the dar..bill o'reill sucks, bites and blows..
im on the phone with 'jonny' from india at at&t...any bets on how long it's going to take before i tell him to get me someone who talks fucking english?..

Anne Johnson said...

Granny on the phone to India? Thirty seconds, but only if she's on hold for 24.

Cat C-B (and/or Peter B) said...

Oooh! Ooh! ME want calendar! *waving hand from the back of the classroom*

The only thing cooler would be an Eastern Star calendar. On account of the deep connections between Freemasonry and Satanism, you know.

At least in the minds of the rationally-challenged...

ME want calendar! (Speaking of rationally challenged.)

Athana said...

Who is that standing in the middle with her back to the camera? Is that Marian Anderson?

Personally, I think yellowdog granny should become the proud recipient of this handsome, handsome calendar

Celestite said...

oh my sageweb, bite your tongue.

I'm eligible for the DAR, my grandmother just couldn't wait for the day when I was little. My mother (1st generation Irish), out of sheer spite, refused to allow me to become a member.
It's one of my few childhood memories that I actually approve of.

Don't you dare send me that calendar!!!!! lol

Alex Pendragon said...

Sorry, but I would not care to belong to any organization that would consider ME for membership!

Anne Johnson said...

As the BofFP did not identify their gender, one assumes that some would be denied on that aspect alone.

Thalia said...

Ah, but I'd gladly belong to an organization that included Groucho. Or better yet, Harpo!