Ahhhh. Thanksgiving is over, and that means one thing ... time for the hog-wallow, hard-to-swallow, flee-or-follow debacle known as Christmas!
I call it Christmas because I'm afraid if I don't, Bill O'Reilly will rear-end my car.
First I'd like to congratulate Yellowdog Granny on her big win of the neon-colored candy canes! Use them wisely, Granny.
Today's Christmas contest item is far more practical. In fact, you may crave it to the point of grovelling.
Every family has an Auntie Em whose dearest goal in life is to qualify for the Daughters of the American Revolution. Even though she's searched her family tree back to a cluster of Armenian refugees who arrived at Ellis Island with nothing but a work ethic, she's still tugging at the roots of the old ancestral bush, hoping to find just that one Minuteman who fled at the first sound of gunshot from the highly-trained and well-equipped British Regulars of 1777.
Auntie sighs whistfully as she scans the Society Page and sees all the D.A.R. poobahs at their teas. Oh, to belong! To have a sash, a ribbon, an insignia pin!
Yours Truly has all those things. Except the sash. You gotta be a Grand Poobah to earn a sash, and I'm not even a Marginally Functional Poobah. I just pay my D.A.R. dues every year, hoping one of these days to be brimming to the plimsol line with empty hours to fill by sipping tea at luncheons.
Ah, but help is on the way for Auntie Em! And you will be her favorite niece/nephew for an entire year! (If that Armenian work ethic has paid off -- probably has -- you might get some nice $$$$$ out of this.)
This week's Great Christmas Giveaway is ... a 2009 Official D.A.R. calendar!!!!
Yes, folks, it's the annual calendar the Daughters of the American Revolution sends out to all its membership, hoping to glean a little extra donation over and above the dues.
This year's calendar features full-page color pictures of elaborate samplers created by young females in the era of the Revolutionary War and beyond. Imagine your eight-year-old daughter, sitting by a sunny window for eight hours straight, stitching away at a slice of linen, just to prove she can do pretty work!
Field hockey practice is starting to look good, huh?
But anyway. Auntie Em will just faint over this calendar. She can hang it in a prominent place, and everyone who visits her will assume that she belongs to the D.A.R. -- how else would she get the free calendar? It's sent exclusively to members!
All you have to do to be eligible for this superior freebie is to leave a comment between now and Friday next. I'll choose a winner at random. Be sure to put your email address on your comment if you don't own a blog of your own.
How can I be this generous with such a fabulous (cheaply printed) calendar? Well, not to brag or anything, but my family is chock-a-block with Minutemen who cowered behind rocks. And my calendar needs are filled by the school/community calendar that Snobville produces each year and mails to me (requesting a donation).
Take advantage of this incredible largesse! And if you can't think of anything to comment about, tell me what you think of Bill O'Reilly.