Why Democracy Doesn't Work Part 2343234: The Dog Factor

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!"

"How much is that doggy in the window? Actually, money is no object. I need him to win the presidency."

Or so it seems from the latest Associated Press poll. John McCain, who "owns" two turtles, a tank of saltwater fish, two dogs (one a mutt), and a pussy cat, overwhelmingly beat Barack Obama among dog-owning voters. Sample morons from our enlightened democracy said that dog ownership shows compassion and selflessness. Even when someone else is hired to walk the dogs and feed the fish.

Frankly, I can't think of much that's more compassionate and selfless than last Christmas's display of the sitting president's bouncing Scottie dogs under the tree. All that warm fuzziness just makes you forget about the more than 4000 servicepeople who have come home from Iraq in coffins.

Not to be outdone, Senator Obama has promised his daughters a dog after the election. You, yes you, can vote on what kind of dog he buys! (Please note that all the choices are expensive purebreds. I guess animal shelters are for people who cling to their religion and their guns.)

This is my sister's dog. Can we presume she will make an informed decision on election day?

Just between you and me, I'm surprised the United States of America has lasted as long as it has. Maybe it's because almost every president has owned a dog or a cat, or both. A fine test of leadership ability, that.