Fierce Faeries

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your dollar store of devoted deities! Come, all ye bored gods and goddesses: It's time to stand up and be counted! Rage against the machine!

The faeries here on my property have been very active lately. And they have recruited more fierce faeries into their ranks. This doesn't mean that it's harder to find my reading glasses. It means that the faeries are concerned about the inhabitants of Chateau Johnson.

They may not always be well-behaved, but they're very protective.

Some years ago the faerie folk found my family and snatched us from the jaw of the one jealous god. You know who I mean. Mr. Big.

But Big is a jealous sort. (Sorry to repeat myself, but it bears repeating.) He's always trying to win someone back. You'd think he'd be satisfied with the gazillions of faithful he already has. He's not. He's the consummate hoarder.

This is where faeries go to work for you. They can throw a head trip on the most zealous of Big's followers, without the followers even knowing it's happening. Faeries have been doing this for more than a thousand years, and they've gotten very, very good at it.

If you feel that someone's trying to seduce you back to the Bible, just ask your resident faeries to form ranks. If you don't have resident faeries ... oh, for the love of fruit flies! Everyone has resident faeries! Anyway, let your faeries know you appreciate them. Never just say, "Thank you." That's not imaginative enough. Give them chocolates, wine, pretty flowers. Let your cat prowl the garden. Don't kill the insects (unless they're fire ants).

In all these ways you honor the faeries that keep guard over you and yours. And when the perils come swooping in, so will the fae.

Are there perils too great for the fae? Nope. They will escort you personally to the Summerlands when your time comes. I have seen this happen. So have faith in the wee folk. Feel safe among them. Mr. Big has not been able to destroy, or even dent, their power.

Where are the faeries when you need them? At your elbow. Let them hide your car keys from time to time. It's well worth it to curry their favor.

FROM ANNE

THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

Image: "A Little Mischief," by Seitou.