Monday, April 17, 2006

A Chance to Witness to the Faith

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We're back and we're looking alive! Come and war ship with us!

(Oh, those faeries. They do love their puns.)

Today's topic: Respecting the religion of others.

I've been so busy that I've neglected telling you about an important development in my life.

After having had such a bang-up experience at the First Annual Gloucester County Vulture Festival, I was immensely honored to be asked to join the steering committee for next year's festival!

Oh, I am not worthy!

Anyway, the steering committee had its first meeting at a swell Italian restaurant near Pomona about two weeks ago. Eight people attended. And you never met a nicer group of tree-huggers in your life. I didn't know one of them, and by the end of the evening they were like family. And honestly, I didn't drink. It would have been insulting to the Sacred Thunderbirds.

The first Vulture Festival earned a whopping $2000 profit with maximum attendance, and we anticipate holding it in a larger venue next year and charging more for admission. We'll need bouncers to turn away the non-ticketed crowds. Trust me.

Although it's slightly less than 11 months until the next buzzard bash, some preliminary plans were discussed. Like choreographing a buzzard dance to that old disco tune, "Stayin' Alive."

Not my idea, folks. But I'm game. Bring on the mirrored ball!

Since the rest of the steering committee is from Pomona and its environs, they wanted to know more about me. Every eye in the table turned to Anne as the inevitable question was posed:

"Why are you so interested in vultures?"

Ahhhh. A golden opportunity to witness to my faith, and to a supremely receptive audience at that! Time to trot out all the doctrine about Sacred Thunderbirds And What They Can Mean to Your Troubled Life.

But that's not how we here at "The Gods Are Bored" operate.

We aren't missionaries for some particular religion. We're a clearinghouse for multiple religions. A veritable Discount Harry's Wholesale Surplus for the poor gods and goddesses just sitting around crocheting tablecloths the size of Texas because they don't have praise and worship teams.

Thunderbirds work for me, but would they be the answer for the nice lady who sent out the tickets for the 2006 Vulture Festival? What if she's a Christian? She might not like having her beliefs challenged.

Suffice it to say I mumbled some platitudes about enjoying vulture thermodynamics. This would have been proven a tepid lie if these people had seen me gyrating over the 120 buzzards in their sleepy borough.

But that's my business. I don't even encourage my daughters, The Heir and The Spare to worship buzzards. They'll find their way to the Religious Roost some day.

As for you, if you want Sacred Thunderbirds as your personal bored gods, our operators are standing by to take your call.

And remember, look alive!



Paxton said...

It sounds very reasonable if you do factor truth into the equation. Then it makes sense that people pick "whatever works for them".

If, on the other hand, certain beliefs are true and others are false -- if, for instance, there were only one God that actually exists and only one Lord that deserves our alliegance -- then there is no question of "what works for you personally".

Well, actually, that's not true. It is just that if a Christian says "what works for you personally" they should mean "what gives you life and pleases God" and the only thing that does that is believing in Christ.

I do not know if you will believe me or not when I say this: I care about you.

Anne Johnson said...

Thanks, sweetie. I care about you too. :)

Ellie Finlay said...

My goodness, how patronizing, Paxton.

I really like your reply, Anne!

Paxton said...

If I tell you about God, it had better be for these two reasons:

1. God should be exalted.
2. You should be in a loving relationship with him.

I try my best (and sometimes fail) to never "witness" for any other reason.

I was explaining this motivation, not intending to patronize (though I realize that when I am not in a great mood, patronization sets in, and I apologize).