Monday, April 17, 2006
A Chance to Witness to the Faith
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We're back and we're looking alive! Come and war ship with us!
(Oh, those faeries. They do love their puns.)
Today's topic: Respecting the religion of others.
I've been so busy that I've neglected telling you about an important development in my life.
After having had such a bang-up experience at the First Annual Gloucester County Vulture Festival, I was immensely honored to be asked to join the steering committee for next year's festival!
Oh, I am not worthy!
Anyway, the steering committee had its first meeting at a swell Italian restaurant near Pomona about two weeks ago. Eight people attended. And you never met a nicer group of tree-huggers in your life. I didn't know one of them, and by the end of the evening they were like family. And honestly, I didn't drink. It would have been insulting to the Sacred Thunderbirds.
The first Vulture Festival earned a whopping $2000 profit with maximum attendance, and we anticipate holding it in a larger venue next year and charging more for admission. We'll need bouncers to turn away the non-ticketed crowds. Trust me.
Although it's slightly less than 11 months until the next buzzard bash, some preliminary plans were discussed. Like choreographing a buzzard dance to that old disco tune, "Stayin' Alive."
Not my idea, folks. But I'm game. Bring on the mirrored ball!
Since the rest of the steering committee is from Pomona and its environs, they wanted to know more about me. Every eye in the table turned to Anne as the inevitable question was posed:
"Why are you so interested in vultures?"
Ahhhh. A golden opportunity to witness to my faith, and to a supremely receptive audience at that! Time to trot out all the doctrine about Sacred Thunderbirds And What They Can Mean to Your Troubled Life.
But that's not how we here at "The Gods Are Bored" operate.
We aren't missionaries for some particular religion. We're a clearinghouse for multiple religions. A veritable Discount Harry's Wholesale Surplus for the poor gods and goddesses just sitting around crocheting tablecloths the size of Texas because they don't have praise and worship teams.
Thunderbirds work for me, but would they be the answer for the nice lady who sent out the tickets for the 2006 Vulture Festival? What if she's a Christian? She might not like having her beliefs challenged.
Suffice it to say I mumbled some platitudes about enjoying vulture thermodynamics. This would have been proven a tepid lie if these people had seen me gyrating over the 120 buzzards in their sleepy borough.
But that's my business. I don't even encourage my daughters, The Heir and The Spare to worship buzzards. They'll find their way to the Religious Roost some day.
As for you, if you want Sacred Thunderbirds as your personal bored gods, our operators are standing by to take your call.
And remember, look alive!
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS