Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Faeries to the Rescue!
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" If you clap at the right place in Peter Pan, and you believe in faeries, then you've fallen down the rabbit hole and into the right site!
My name is Puck. I'm Anne's boy faerie.
I am Princess. I'm her girl faerie.
Puck: Of course these aren't our real names. This is the internet. We're concerned about identity theft.
Princess: Anne uses her real name. And what an original name it is, too! Oh, Puck! Tell Anne's readers what you did to her on Sunday!
Puck: HA HA HA HA! Boy, was she riled! She swears she won't wear me for a week! She had to check on her friend's cats, and one of the cats was - how shall we say it? - very, very bad potty-wise. So Anne had to clean up a mess, and while she was doing it, I hid the key to her friend's apartment. Once Anne had finished cursing and fuming about a bad kitty, she had to hunt for a house key!
Princess: And it was on a bright Kelly green lanyard. Hard to hide, eh Puck?
Puck: I was challenged until I saw Anne pull out a fresh trash bag to put the cat mess in.
Princess: You see, that's what impish faeries do for fun. But we also have a serious side and a serious purpose.
Puck: For instance, if some bad ass Roman war god comes along and stuffs Anne in a well, we're gonna call the boss and get her outta there before she turns into buzzard soup.
Princess: The boss would be Peter Pan, of course. And we're proud to say that, not only did he save Anne, he also busted the axel on Mars's chariot.
Puck: You never heard such cursing in your life. What a horrible god, that Mars! We'd never let him into Sidhe. He need not apply.
Princess: Sadly, we couldn't save Anne's goats. Not even her darling Suki, who was only two months shy of breaking the Ripley's World Record for Goat Longevity.
Puck: So, as a consolation to Anne, Princess and I sent her to another dimension, in which there's a planet named Terah.
Princess: We gave her a ticket to something called a "State of the Confederacy" address.
Puck: The speaker must have been a leader of some kind. He was taking about the importance of peaceful solutions to aggression, how a nation dedicated to religious ideals should not retaliate to violence by using violence.
Princess: And then this leader said that taxes should be based on income, and the wealthiest, since they have the most, should generously part with some of it to help those with the least.
Puck: And this leader said that college education should be free to everyone through the internet, and that students should concentrate on skills that will provide them with lasting, unionized jobs.
Princess: And then this leader said that he would sponsor an initiative to build thousands and thousands of windmills to take advantage of the natural energy source on the Big Plains.
Puck: Tax credits for people who found ways to live without automobiles.
Princess: Protecting the rights of states to pass laws, the rights of individuals to their privacy and freedom of assembly without fear of reprisal.
Puck: And this leader ended with a passionate promise to protect the natural resources of this Confederacy, looking beyond its borders to all of Terah, in order to preserve Terah's riches for future generations.
Princess: We thought this would cheer Anne up, but when we brought her back home, she went out in the pasture and beat her fists on the ground.
Puck: Well, Princess, you know these Scots-Irish people. Perpetually pissed off about something.
Princess: Perhaps we should wait a few days before we hide any more of her stuff.
A PIECE OF GOD BE WITH YOU,
PRINCESS AND PUCK