Monday, February 06, 2006

Johnson Family Values

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Usually we are a full-service polytheism superstore, but today we switch to the topic of Family Values.

You know what those are. Shelter your kids, keep them away from anything that might challenge their idea that they are the center of the universe. Home-school the little darlings and see that they're in church every Sunday, then come home to a big family dinner! Don't let them know defeat or disappointment. Monitor their every breath, because hey, You Are the Mother of Your Children.

Can't wait to see how this generation of spoiled brats turns out.

Oddly, one of the few things the Johnson Family does every year is watch the Super Bowl together.

Not for the game, mind you, but for the commercials.

This year the beloved spouse and I had the added pleasure of the panoramic shots of downtown Detroit, where we lived after we married. I thought Detroit was swell, and I never let anyone bad-mouth it in my presence.

We Johnsons rank all Super Bowl commercials on a scale of 1-10. Here's our Top Five, 2006:

1. Sprint Cell Phone with Crime Deterrant.

2. Mr. Spock Needs Aleve.

3. Cave Man Crusher.

4. Burger King Follies (The Heir loved this one).

5. We all were roaring over Monster Love until we saw what they were selling - a Hummer. So Monster Love was a Bummer.

It's rare when the Johnson family agrees wholeheartedly on anything. Hey, we can't all be the Happy Santorums, eh?

But in our universal opinion, none of this year's Super Bowl commercials compare to last year's Mastercard Masterpiece:

As for halftime, it was as predicted Nightmare on Geezer Street.

Does anyone know who won the game?


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