Wednesday, July 20, 2005

A Really Quick Quiz

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!"

Quiz: Who is this fine fellow?

Don't have the foggiest? I understand.

This is the Green Man. He is a bored god. He has to fly under the radar to get noticed at all. The Yahweh people tried to pink slip him, failed. They tried to call him Satan. Sorry, that post is full. (And what a whiner filled it, too!) Then they tried attrition. Just don't talk about him, and he'll go away. Sort of like the way you treat the ugly kid with braces in Middle School.

Ahem. The Green Man didn't go away. He's still creeping around, pushing up like a weed through a crack in the asphalt. His message? Don't dominate the earth, live as a team player!

Today a big crew of cement masons are out in front of my house, pouring a new sidewalk. The foreman is a good-looking young man, no older than 21. He was walking around shirtless (mmmmm MMMMMMM!), and lo and behold, he has a huge Green Man tattoo on his flat, well-muscled abs.

I said to him, "Do you know what that is?"

And he said, "Naah. I just liked the design."

Hey, Yahweh people: Hear that? This is how bored gods fly under the radar!

So I took off one of my Green Man earrings (wear them almost every day), showed it to the beardless youth, and explained his personal adornment. I then predicted that said youth would have a long and happy life, because he was sporting the right god in his tattoo.

This story would have a really happy ending if the dude had thrown down his trowel and said, "I'm not laying one more inch of cement on this poor, overworked planet." But that would be too good to be true, and not a great state of affairs for all the people who walk by my house. Suffice it to say that I did a little missionary work today that clearly qualifies as the sin Mr. Applegate asked for in his previous post.

I hope this helps the devil get a good performance evaluation.

You go, Green Man!


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