CAUGHT HIM RED-HANDED

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Okay fans, let's vote. Do you think "Mr. Applegate" is bored?

Then why is he sneaking around on my blog?

I caught him at it just now, at the public library in Plymouth, Indiana. I stopped by to check on my email on my way to the next county fair. And there he sat, on this site, yakking away.

Cheeky.

You know what he was writing about? He was thanking Osama Bin Laden and George Bush for taking so much subcontracting, and blaming all their actions on his boss!

He's gonna get me sent over to Cuba. I told him as much. I'm not afraid of him, but he can't just go around disrespecting the sitting president on my watch. Not this president, anyway. I'm already afraid to check books out of the library!

Anyway, while I'm here, I'll pass along some fun Chippie news (remember, "Chippies" are Christian hippies). In today's Gary, Indiana Daily Tattler, there was an article about how some mega-church pastors are encouraging their followers to think big and grow rich. After all, being rich just shows how much God is blessing you, right? Or so this challenging, Scripture-based philosophy goes.

Wow. I'm re-thinking my whole allegiance to Queen Brighid the Bright. Maybe I oughta go back to Yahweh, get my fair share. All those abundant blessings. Like the McMansion. The Ford Expedition. The backyard pool. And let's not forget the good neighborhood, far away from all those poor, uneducated, violent, mixed race drug pushers in the next county.

Thank you, God, that I'm not like that drug pusher over there. He's lying in the street, all bloodied up from a drive-by shooting. I'll just walk right around him.

Alas, alas for you, clueless Chippies! Hypocrites to a man!

Oh, for the love of fruitflies. "Mr. Applegate" just whispered in my ear. He says to leave the Chippies to him, he likes to watch their faces as they arrive in his lair. They feel so betrayed.

What a pathetic bunch they all are. Let's call on some bored gods and see if they can't entertain us better!
ANNE SAYS LET THE DEVIL FIND ANOTHER WAY TO PUBLISH HIS SELF-PITY