Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Decibel Applies for a Job


HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!

MY NAME IS DECIBEL. I'M A SEVERE MACAW. I SEEK FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT AT A COMPETITIVE WAGE IN THE FOLLOWING FIELDS OF ENDEAVOR:

1. SEVERING OF FINGERS AT JOINT OR MID-DIGIT.

2. BURGLAR ALARM, VERY EFFECTIVE! YOU WILL NEVER NEED YOUR CAR ALARM AGAIN. NOR WILL YOU BE ABLE TO HEAR IT.

3. CARNAL ACTS WITH WILLING PARROTS. PLEASE NOTE THAT I DO NOT PERFORM CARNAL ACTS WITH PEOPLE, SO IF YOU ARE RICK SANTORUM, DO NOT BOTHER TO CALL.

4. FABULOUS HARRASSMENT OF TELEPHONE SOLICITORS, OR ANYONE ELSE TELEPHONING FOR THAT MATTER.

BIRD SEED IS EXPENSIVE, SO CALL NOW. MY RENT JUST GOT RAISED AND I NEED TO EXPAND.

3 comments:

Buzzardbilly said...

LMAO! I used to work with macaws in the pet stores. They sure are loud.

I also had a customer bring in her African Grey one time. She said she wanted to buy everything the bird wanted. I asked what the occasion was. She pulled aside the collar of her shirt and showed me her neck was bruised all the way across. She said someone had broken into her house the night before. She didn't know who it was, but he had his hands around her neck strangling her and he meant to kill her. She said the bird yelled from the other room, "Hey, what's going on in there?" and the strangler thought it was another person in the house, jumped up, and ran away!

I love parrots, but I don't think the cats would like living with a bird that could eat them. It's just not the natural order. :)

BBC said...

I was a mechanic for many years. One day I went outside to a parked car to take a quick look under the dash, laid on the floor and was feeling around and looking up in the bowls of the messes behind dashes when I heard the most unexpected screech and damn near hurt myself getting out of that car.

I hadn't noticed when I went in that there was a big Macaw perched on the seat back. It like to have scared me into a heart attack.

yellowdog granny said...

my friend inky and anessa have a macaw, a cockatel,and a cat...the macaw has learned how to call the cat..will go 'heeeer, kitty kitty'..and the cat will jump on the table by the cage and the bird will bite the shit out of his tail..the cat runs off...5 minutes later...'heeeer kitty kitty'..and here comes the stupid cat and same thing happens...i laughed so hard I cried..she said it will be 3-4 in the morning and she'll here'heeeere kitty kitty' and then the cat will squall and it'll get quiet again...