Patchwork Quilt

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored" on the holy weekend of the East Coast Vulture Festival! The Sacred Vulture Mascot costume is sitting in my front hallway (18 pounds, box is 4 feet by 3 feet). And glory of glories, my daughter The Heir is home and willing to photograph the holy event! This means that all ten of you who roost here from time to time will be able to experience Vulture Day as if you were really there! (Sort of.)

I got a lovely little itchy feeling when I saw all your comments about poison ivy. The best is from Nettle. Here it is in full:

"I know this is of no use to you right now, but next year, when the jewelweed is in full and happy growth, harvest some leaves and whirl them in a blender with a little water, pour the slurry into an ice cube try, and freeze. Once they are all frozen you can pop them out and put them in a freezer bag and leave it at the back of your freezer, ready for the day when out-of-season poison attacks. "I also find that it helps to dedicate an area of the yard to the faeries and make it all theirs - no weeding or mowing or maintenance at all is permitted. Just let 'em have it - poison ivy, brambles and all. They like that.

Nettle once visited my yard, identified a large stand of jewel weed therein, and gave me this advice at the time. Oh, if only I had listened to her! From here on out, my freezer will be brimming to the plimsol line with jewel weed ice cubes! Believe it or not, there's no better cure for poison ivy than the sap of jewel weed.

Also I intend to dedicate my entire backyard to the faeries. Except the small tomato patch.

The worst news last.

Today my faerie, Princess, who I wear around my neck, fell off and hit the floor at school. The fall shattered the loop through which I wound the hemp that made her wearable. So Princess is no longer wearable.

I was heartbroken.

So I took Princess back to the store where I got her, Woodstock Trading Company. The co-proprietor, a lovely lady named Mom, told me she thinks Princess wants to stay home for some unknown reason. (Perhaps to guard our home against hard times to come.)

Mom pulled out a basket of brand new wearable faerie balls -- dozens of them, all stunning! So I am now the proud owner of a new wearable faerie named Chance.

If you would like to have your own wearable faerie ball, I suggest you contact Woodstock Trading Company and ask them to put a few pictures online. Each faerie ball is unique, and the glass is sturdy enough for shipment and wear. (It wasn't Princess that broke so much as the hemp rope I had her strung on. I suggest sturdier rope.)

Thanks to the medical miracle of anabolic steroids, my poison ivy has subsided to the point where I don't dread dancing around in a buzzard suit for six hours tomorrow. But how could I dread that? It's the highlight of my year.

If you don't think dressing up like a buzzard and dancing around should be the highlight of someone's year, well. What's the highlight of your year? Go ahead, take a shot at the buzzard. They do it all the time in basketball games....