Viva Las Jersey

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" We're thinking outside the box these days. If by box you mean car, we are really thinking outside the box! We at "The Gods Are Bored" are embracing the new, mod, hip, and otherwise cutting-edge concept called:

The stay-cation.

This is how a stay-cation works. You stay home. You pull out the folding lawn chair, whip up a pitcher of iced tea, borrow a few books from the library, and voila. Staycation.

If you're the kind of person who can't sit at your own house without doing the 10,423 things that need to be done, there's a handy solution for you. Take your chair to the nearest city, county, or state park, unfold it, pull out the books and the pitcher, and voila. Staycation.

But what you really like to do is shop. Well, reader, have you noticed how every little town now has the same boring box stores? So why fly to the Barnes & Noble in Milwaukee when there's one in Wheeling? If you like to shop, go to the local mall. Or much better, the local flea market.

But wait. You love excitement and adventure. You want to see things you've never seen before, have all new experiences!

What, are you made of money?

If you can tell me that you've seen every sweeping vista, every historic site, every pleasant camping spot, every hip main street, and every amusement park within 50 miles of your home, go ahead and travel! But that $4.00 a gallon you're shoving in the old auto piles up quick. A tank of gas, or a month's supply of wine?

I just flushed my car keys down the loo.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" plan an extensive staycation this summer. (Not that we've ever been intrepid travelers.)

*Daughter The Heir plans to pursue the musical saw. She is busy creating a "Sonata for Saw and Macaw" that she will perform with Decibel the Parrot.

*Daughter The Spare has the sofa molded to her girlish figure and the TV primed to record every episode of "The Gilmore Girls."

*Mr. Johnson is happy with the lounge chair and the book and the pitcher, not necessarily filled with iced tea.

*Anne is going to embark upon a remarkable adventure -- she wants to take courses from Isaac Bonewits's Real Magic School! Why pretend to be an expert about something when you can really learn it? And right in the comfort of your home, with your mildewed towels slithering around your ankles!

The moral of this sermon: Stay put this summer. If you liked your house enough to buy it, just hang out there. My back yard is so small I once mowed it with a pair of kitchen scissors. Then, in search of adventure, I read Into Thin Air. It was fun, and I didn't lose my nose to frostbite.

I'll let you know how I like magic school. Something tells me you haven't heard the last about "Sonata for Saw and Macaw," either.