Sunday, May 11, 2008

Puck on Chuck

Welcome to "The Gods Are Boards!" My name is Puck. I'm Anne's favorite, favorite, favorite faerie. Anne has the day off today because it's Mother's Day. Or Smothers Brothers Day. Or Another's Way, or some such.

On her list of "Things to Post About," Anne had "Chuck Norris." Well, I don't know much about Chuck Norris, but his name sounds like "Plucked Carcass." So we'll start there.

Okay, so I Googled and ogled the guy, and it seems he's some kinda face-buster who's popular in Christian circles for being religious, and popular everywhere else as a butt of jokes. Or a glut of Cokes. Whatever.

Anne took me out to Penn State last weekend, and there were lots of Plucked Carcass t-shirts. One had his picture on it and said, "The boogie man looks under the bed to make sure Chuck Norris isn't hiding there."

That was such a fun store, no bore!

Here's a joke about Plucked Carcass that I just found by Smurfing the Web:

When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

I have no idea what Anne wanted to say about upChuck Norris. I'm lost in the forest. With Boris and Morris and Deloris.

Perhaps she wanted to point out, or count out, or just plain pout about how poor a roll model Buck Horace is for Christian kids who oughta be charmed by gentle Gee-wiz. (I think his name is Gee-wiz. Or some such.)

Well, that's just a girly way of looking at things. How are you gonna keep your manly men interested in a religion if you don't have any tough guys in it? They gotta have someone to look up to as they barge off to target practice with their fun guns and stun guns and automatic piffles. You won't get anywhere in the Red Scare States if you tell the menfolk they have to solve their problems by loving their enemies and allowing any old foreigner to walk all over them without putting up a flight.

So I guess that's what this Chuck Norris does for his god. He lets it be okay for you to scare the boogie man, when really you should be loving on the boogie man instead. (The boogie man's real name is Fred, and he wants you to dust under your bed.)

I hope this has been kelp-filled. Or helpful. If you want to see Chuck Norris jokes, the Warred Wired Web is chock-a-block with them.

I wonder if Chuck Norris has a sense of humor? I clout it.



THE Michael said...

I really had no idea that what Jesus REALLY meant was to turn the other cheek, and then KICK ASS!

By observing how right wing fundamentalist Christians behave, I pretty much have given up on understanding what Christ really stood for. Now that we don't have many commies left, I wonder who we are supposed to kill for Christ........oh, I know......Pagans?

yellowdog granny said...

yeah, chuck norris and st. patrick can kiss my pagan ass...

BBC said...

I'm thinking that Chuck had a better sense of humor than you do.

"I'm Anne's favorite, favorite, favorite faerie."

Rolls eyes, and I'm guessing that Chuck is smart enough not to believe in faeries.

What in the hell are you smoking? Or trying to escape from? Lady, this is a violent world, I don't like that but that is what it is.

And running off to fantasy isn't going to make it any less so. Sad to say, it's attitude that changes the world, even Jesus had attitude.

It got him killed but at least he was willing to die for it. Never mind, I'm over your head, go play with your faeries while you keep trying to get these idiots to honor each others religions.

Something that hasn't worked for ten thousand years and isn't going to work.

Keep trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results and you just keep proving your own insanity or stupidity.

Hugs though.

Athana said...

Thnx for your impeccable insights, Puck. You are adorable and I love you, ya sweet old thing.

Anne Johnson said...

What am I trying to escape from? What have you got, Billy? Do you think the world will be better if you bitch and complain about it? News flash. We're all gonna die. I intend to die just as I've lived. Smiling.

And, as much as I adore your hugs, I would warn you not to antagonize Puck by making light of faeries. He has friends all over the place, and they will take your car keys whether you believe in them or not.

For the life of me I cannot see why you come here if it only pisses you off. Go get yourself a beer and find old episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger FGS.

mrsb said...

Chuck Norris was backing Mike Huckabee...I'm afraid that says it all. *sigh*

Someone recommended your blog to me (yellowdog granny, to be exact), and I'm loving reading through it!