Welcome to "The Gods Are Boards!" My name is Puck. I'm Anne's favorite, favorite, favorite faerie. Anne has the day off today because it's Mother's Day. Or Smothers Brothers Day. Or Another's Way, or some such.
On her list of "Things to Post About," Anne had "Chuck Norris." Well, I don't know much about Chuck Norris, but his name sounds like "Plucked Carcass." So we'll start there.
Okay, so I Googled and ogled the guy, and it seems he's some kinda face-buster who's popular in Christian circles for being religious, and popular everywhere else as a butt of jokes. Or a glut of Cokes. Whatever.
Anne took me out to Penn State last weekend, and there were lots of Plucked Carcass t-shirts. One had his picture on it and said, "The boogie man looks under the bed to make sure Chuck Norris isn't hiding there."
That was such a fun store, no bore!
Here's a joke about Plucked Carcass that I just found by Smurfing the Web:
When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
I have no idea what Anne wanted to say about upChuck Norris. I'm lost in the forest. With Boris and Morris and Deloris.
Perhaps she wanted to point out, or count out, or just plain pout about how poor a roll model Buck Horace is for Christian kids who oughta be charmed by gentle Gee-wiz. (I think his name is Gee-wiz. Or some such.)
Well, that's just a girly way of looking at things. How are you gonna keep your manly men interested in a religion if you don't have any tough guys in it? They gotta have someone to look up to as they barge off to target practice with their fun guns and stun guns and automatic piffles. You won't get anywhere in the Red Scare States if you tell the menfolk they have to solve their problems by loving their enemies and allowing any old foreigner to walk all over them without putting up a flight.
So I guess that's what this Chuck Norris does for his god. He lets it be okay for you to scare the boogie man, when really you should be loving on the boogie man instead. (The boogie man's real name is Fred, and he wants you to dust under your bed.)
I hope this has been kelp-filled. Or helpful. If you want to see Chuck Norris jokes, the Warred Wired Web is chock-a-block with them.
I wonder if Chuck Norris has a sense of humor? I clout it.