Monday, March 31, 2008

Paranoia Strikes Deep

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we have nothing to fear except Interstate I-81! Talk about the highway to hell. I hate that road!

The human race has often succumbed to bouts of collective paranoia. And when we look back on them from a historical perspective, they always look appalling. And then we turn right around and do it again. Chalk it up to insufficient evolution.

During my stay with my sister, she gently guided me into a Christian used bookstore. Prominently displayed on a special shelf was a trade paperback called Deliver Us from Evil: Putting a Stop to the Occult Influences Invading Your Home and Community, by Cindy Jacobs.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" were keen to add this work to our library, and at $2.50 the price was right. So now that we bought the book, we're gonna take a stroll through it chapter by chapter. And you, readers, should thank me for this, because it frees you from listening to Focus on the Family!

Before we begin deconstructing Deliver Us from Evil, a word about the author. She and her husband have a ministry called Generals International, and she describes herself as a prophet.

We all know what prophets are. They're fortune-tellers who don't get paid. Except, of course, there's a fee for an appearance by Cindy, but I'm sure there's no profiteering in her prophesying.

While I was doing a little birdwatching this morning, I Googled Cindy and found that on March 14 of this year, some of her own called her a "Jezebel." Ouch! That's gotta sting.

Well, Cindy Jacobs, rest easy. We at "The Gods Are Bored" will be very respectful as we peruse your paranoid worldview. "Jezebel" is so harsh, especially when "nutcase" will do every bit as well.

Actually we plan to use your own quotes to sink your sad boat.

From Deliver Us from Evil, p. 25:

"There are only two sources of supernatural power in this world: that which comes from God and His kingdom and that which comes from Satan's kingdom."

Except that Satan wouldn't have a kingdom unless God gave him one, so that narrows it to one source of supernatural power, allowed by its creator to have both positive and negative influences.

For the love of all that is fruit fly! It's not like God is the only deity who allows his alter ego to go around stirring up trouble. But this particular bipolar deity is currently worshipped by more than 1/3 of the entire population of the globe!

If you're reading this, and you're deathly afraid that every breath you suck in could possibly infest you with Satan, take heart! We at "The Gods Are Bored" can introduce you to scads and scads of fine deities who have boxes of Band-Aids that are older than Satan!

We will also try to poke a few holes in Mrs. Jacobs' arguments, so long as it doesn't get boring and the furniture doesn't get ink-stained. I'm a patient woman, so long as no one smears my chintz.


THE Michael said...

But....wait.....I'm confused....aren't women supposed to "be silent"?

Why is she saying ANYTHING?

Won't God punish her for that?

Thalia said...

You've got me craving Buffalo Springfield now.

Looking forward to your critique. Heh.

yellowdog granny said...

(singing quietly)...Jesus loves me this I know....cause the Bible tells me so...
what? what do you mean you don't love me...Yeh?..well, up your's Jesus..

Michele said...

Michael, technically she isn't saying anything, she wrote a book!

And technically, she can do public speaking too, as long as it's not in church during worship time.

I never have gotten the whole "it's from satan" thing... if its not good, it's from satan... but the god of the bible created everything... love it.

I'll take the bored gods any day.

Anne Johnson said...

And they'll take you too, Michele! They want to know what flavor ice cream is your favorite.

Michele said...

LOL... I have several favorites of course, for whichever mood I'm in! Most of them include chocolate. Mint chocolate chip is good for spring time!