Monday, February 11, 2008

Whatever It Is, I Need to Feed It!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" That soft wheezing sound you hear is my cat Alpha, asleep on the radiator. Move over, Alpha. Annie's feet are cold!

Yesterday I posted the picture below of a fearsome bored something-or-other who has suddenly appeared in the neighborhood. My commenters (a group known for superior intellect) couldn't exactly agree on what this thing is, but most thought I ought to acknowledge its presence with a suitable offering.

I rather agree. When a gnarly object the size of an average human suddenly appears in the next block, one would be unwise to ignore it.

However, I am flummoxed. I've already given it a rare item that had personal value to me -- a 1999 pin honoring my service to disabled veterans.

It seems to be sneering at this trinket, because I just had me 24 hours of heck. It would be hell, but I slept through part of it. So that knocks it down to heck.

What should I give the doggone thing? I draw the line at slaughtering Alpha and leaving her carcass at its feet. But I do not know what to do about this bored god. Your guidance would be most sincerely appreciated.

There now. That was polite, wasn't it?

And just so you know, the thing isn't in my back yard. It's sitting in a public park that is across the street from the house behind my house. If that makes any sense.



Mama Kelly said...

First thoughts are fruit, flowers, and/or wine.

Glad to know its not right in your backyard because the idea of one of those appearing in MY yard was not all that appealing.

Evn said...

Oooh, Mama Kelly read (red?) my mind: I was about to say flowers and (red) wine.

This next part will sound facetious, but I mean it with all seriousness: I've yet to meet a god--bored or otherwise--who doesn't appreciate Walkers shortbread.

'Cept for one bored god of my acquaintance who prefers Sara Lee pound cake. But He's the exception.

Regardless, Walkers is the gift that keeps on giving.

Tennessee Jed said...

What the heck! Is that palmetto wood?

Aquila ka Hecate said...

How about some chocolate?
Or even better, chocolate covered in shiny stuff-ie choclate money?

That seems to have done the trick with my genii locii, anyway.
But then, here in Africa we're known for our fundamental greed.
Terri in Joburg

dmiley said...

There is only one thing that will satiate this god. Make him a mai tai. This guy is almost certainly a refugee from Trader Vic's. Here's another link that could be really helpful


kazari said...

He looks Maori to me:

not that i'm an expert or anything.
but i'd be going flowers and kava.

can you get kava where you are? it might be fun to try. i've taken part in a kava ceremony before, which was great. but the actual drink is ground up tree roots and it tastes like it : (

Illisse said...

I would suggest a nice chicken dish to go with the wine.


Anonymous said...

I'm thinking this calls for a big bottle of very dark beer and a fun party hat or perhaps a pirate hat.


Illisse said...

Just showed this to my pagan buddies - They suggest a cigar & a breath mint. (We're as serious as heart attacks over here)


Illisse said...

More suggestions - Coconuts, Cat in the Hat hat, coverage on your dental plan


A Wild Celtic Rose said...

My standard offerings fall into three catagories:



Shiny Things

Since it's already rejected your shiny thing (it WAS shiny wasn't it?) I'd go straight for the BOOZE.

Pour it a little cuppa something good...

yellowdog granny said...

I can bake another pecan pie..send it to you and you can give it what you don't want..along with a coupon for 2for 1 Arbys...

goprairie said...

no no no you all have it all wrong. gods are OLD and they prefer their food aged. i bet there might be some aged food in your fridge that you could give up. that would make it one of those win-win situations we hear so much about.

A Wild Celtic Rose said...

OK then,

I make my recommendation more specific after the age comment.

Aged Whisky.,

I'm tellin' ya; go for the boozs

Anne Johnson said...

Old food wins! No, on second thought, I don't wanna piss off that Tiki. There's only a whiff of old whisky on this property right now, but it's Tiki-bound sure nuff.

Another wonderful round of comments! Thanks, everyone!