Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Tricky Tiki & Talkin Turkey

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where a dread Tiki has come to live in the next block, unexpected and unheralded. There goes the neighborhood. Just kidding! We love all bored gods here!

(You can see the upstart Tiki by scrolling down. It's still there by the pond. It's been there a week now.)

My daughter The Spare got all her homework finished at school. So I shoved her onto the home computer in search of Facebook strangers and toddled off here to the library.

Whenever I come here to the Snobville Public Library, it always seems like a good occasion to:

1. watch every vulture video on YouTube, and
2. remind my three loyal readers what we're all about here at TGAB!

I started "The Gods Are Bored" in April 2005 after reading that some woman had blogged about her dog's illness and collected enough money to pay his vet bills.

My cats are healthy, but as I sat looking at the newspaper story, I said to myself, "Alas, perhaps someday dear Fluffy and Puffy might need vet care!" So I decided to start a blog.

No wonder there are so many bloggers, because starting a blog was so easy even I could do it. All the tricky bells and whistles about statistics and feeds and pathways and all that are beyond me, but by golly, I can get here to this box every day and type. So I'm happy.

Then I had to decide what to write about. A theme, so to speak, upon which to hang my hat.

I chose bored deities because I've always championed the underdog, the little guy or gal who gets shoved out of the way by the big man on campus and his entourage. Seems to me that if the human race can do shit like this, it must happen in the celestial realm as well.

There's something especially creepy about a person who decides to go out and spread his or her religion around among the masses, while labeling the various religions of the masses crocks of crap. I mean, suppose all those missionaries who went to Congo to preach about Jesus were actually wrong, and the real god is Chonganda. Not only are the missionaries headed for perdition, Congolese-style, but so are all those converts who might have stuck with Chonganda if they hadn't been pestered constantly and bribed with t-shirts and medicine.

We here at "The Gods Are Bored" would like it very much if everyone had a big, broad, flexible outlook where religion is concerned. Live and let live. MYOB, stop trying to make everyone look at the world the same way you do. Big, broad, flexible outlook.

The next time two pinch-faced Mormon missionaries disturb your Saturday morning cup of coffee, you might ask yourself where they would be and what they would be doing if they exercised a little big, broad flexibility.

Our only strong prejudice is against pesky stains on the upholstery. So if you plan to visit, please be advised: You must be careful with that glass of red wine if you're perched on the couch.

And now the tranquility of the Snobville Public Library has been broken by three moon-faced youngsters doing their too-difficult homework and whispering as loudly as it's humanly possible to whisper. So, have a nice day, don't spill on the rug, and start saving now for the vet bills my cats are sure to incur in years to come!

BTW, thanks to all of you who suggested what to offer the Tiki. Unfortunately, the items you suggested (with the exception of kava) are all products that I can't live without myself. Do you suppose the Tiki would like to have a big hank of hair from a whispering fifth-grader?



Anonymous said...

By simply applying hillbilly logic I have identified the “thing”. While everyone else was looking at those teeth and such I investigated from the top down. Seen from above it is obviously a roundtuit. So the neighborhood is blessed. Whenever you ask someone to do something and they say “I’ll get a round to it”, well, you’ve got one!

Evn said...

Who doesn't want a hank of hair ripped out of a fifth-grader's head?

yellowdog granny said...

you can always threaten heri and spares ipod as a gift to the tiki if they don't quit whispering so loudly.

BBC said...

I don't have a religion, just a spirituality. Weird as it may seem to some people.

JaAnBe said...

As a library employee, I'd rather see whispering kids doing their own homework than have Mom or Dad at the desk asking me for help to do juniors/juniorettes work for them.

Buzzardbilly said...

I swear I commented here yesterday, but it is so not here today. @#$! Blogger.

I wanted you to know that there is a "sorry for being a dick" poetry contest over at my blog. It's not really a contest because everyone who submits gets to take a lovely award (which is a picture of a buzzard wearing a poorly photo-shopped hillbilly hat and smoking an equally poorly photo-shopped corncob pipe). I cannot imagine the home of the buzzard not having one to display.

All are welcome to join in!