Monday, February 04, 2008

The Pecking Order

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we recognize the ferocity of just about everything! What are humans, anyway? The more I think about it, the more I marvel that we weren't all eaten by lions back at the dawn of humankind.

Yesterday the daughters and I enjoyed a wonderful Druid get-together for Imbolc. The park grounds were so saturated we felt perfectly safe building a fire in a park-designated fire pit, and we all got enveloped in smoke as we honored Queen Brighid the Bright and asked her blessings on the coming spring.

After thoroughly dousing the fire, we repaired to a pub. There the conversation turned to critters.

In no particular order, our small party recounted being attacked by ducks, geese, wolverines, kittens, turtles (box, not snapping), mountain lions, and scorpions. Anecdotal evidence expanded the list to ostriches, African lions, various birds of prey (not vultures), raccoons and possums.

When you look at a duck and a person side by side, it's a pretty sad commentary on people that, in absence of a weapon, a hearty duck can kick butt.

Have you ever taken it on the chin from some critter that ought to be something you could dominate? I've had go-rounds with geese and ducks, and kittens. That's just sad. A wolverine I can understand, but an iddy biddy kitty?

Yep. Kittens got teeth, and if they're wild they know how to use 'em.

Oh yeah, and I was the one who got abused by a box turtle too.

Must be some bored gods working hard out there to keep our sorry soft carcasses rockin on. Because there's hardly a single critter larger than a canary that can't beat us hand-to-paw.

A truly motivated canary might have a fighting chance too.



yellowdog granny said...

why do you think they call them animals..when i was a kid i went to a weekend was the most horrible experience in my life...i got attacked by a deer, fell into the lake and was in a nest of water mocassins,(still don't know how i got out of that with out being bitten) sprayed by a skunk and fell down the mountain into a bed of cactus..oh yea, and i was running and fell down a flight of stairs...i was a fraid to go out of the house for 2 weeks after i came 64 years i have been bitten scratched, clawed,stung,and terrorized by every insect and animal known to man kind..

Lavanah said...

My brother in law had a bad experience with a chipmonk, once. Made him pack up my sister and the kids and move back in the city...

kazari_lu said...

I always love your posts, but I laughed outloud at the truly motivated canary.
thankyou : )

sott'Eos said...

Cats (and kittens) have an unfair advantage over us. We think they're cute; they think we're extra-large portions of tasty flesh. They know that we only feed them canned food to delay the day when they will feast on us.

Anonymous said...

I have been attacked by a goose ... walked through a swarm of bees (miraculously not getting stung) and got scared nearly to death when a (bald and slightly seared) chipmunk jumped out of my old BBQ when I opened it to put some steaks on

Anne Johnson said...

LMAO, Mama!