Poor Zeus, Overlooked Again!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," promoting deity diversity in the Land of the Christians, by the Christians, and for the Christians!

Poor Zeus takes it on the chin again.

The Philadelphia Inquirer, aka http://www.phillynews.com, recently hired an unemployed ex-politician named Rick Santorum to write a bi-weekly column entitled "The Elephant in the Room."

It turns out, after several lengthy columns, that Ex-Senator Santorum is an excellent writer. Really, very, very, very good. So good it makes you believe in ghosts. This ain't unscripted "man on dog" stuff.

Today's "please re-elect me" diatribe is entitled "Mitt Romney and Religion: Politics and Faith," subtitled "A candidate's faith is important. It will influence his or her decisions."

True indeed. One is tempted to link Ex-Senator Santorum's drubbing at the polls with the way his religion influenced his political decisions.

In the midst of a column that manages to offend deeply on multiple levels (albeit quite smartly written), Ex-Senator Santorum offers this tidbit:

"Virtue -- a person's ability to control his desires and order his actions according to the Golden Rule -- makes freedom and democracy possible. For most, virtue is derived from religion, but that hardly means a man without religion cannot reason his way to virtue. Witness the ancient Greeks."

First of all, let's get real. Reader, do you think Rick Santorum wrote that? Me neither.

And wowwie. I didn't know that the ancient Greeks reasoned their way to virtue without benefit of religion. Did you know that? I guess it's too late to tell Zeus. Or Athena. Or the rest of those who were so scrupulously worshipped that we still honor their holy days.

However, it was not this quibble that prompted me to email Ex-Senator Santorum at his new mailbox, which I will attach below, in case you've got a puppy you want to get rid of.

Here's another Santorum tidbit:

"It was Christ's mandate to care for the poor that inspired my efforts to take a leadership role."

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The Great and Powerful Oz has spoken!

My query to Ex-Senator Santorum was simple enough: "Dear Sir: Please tell me what you did for the poor while you were in office. Because I'm racking my brain and I can't come up with one damned thing. Pardon my use of foul language, I was raised in Greece."

I will be timing my cleanings of Decibel the Parrot's cage to coincide with Rick Santorum's ghost-written pat-self-backs.

If you would like to send holiday greetings to Ex-Senator Rick Santorum, it's easier to find him online than in Pennsylvania, the state he purported to represent.

Here's his address: rsantorum@phillynews.com

Caveat: We at "The Gods Are Bored" waive any responsibility for the safety of your canines if you communicate with this man. Whenever we knew he was near Philly, we hid the cats in the basement but left Decibel the Parrot on the porch. Decibel knows how to say "ouch" in a very loud way.