Always Share Free Advice

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," sacred oaks and stupid jokes and lots to entertain you folks!

Maybe you'll remember this charmer from an earlier post. He's taken up residence in a nearby pond. Apparently he outgrew the bathtub where he'd been stored.

I solicited advice on how to handle this infestation of hungry reptile. The directions below, provided by Kayak Dave seem so simple and thorough that I thought I ought to share them.

Before you begin jotting them down, please be advised that Dave has a super duper spouse who understands him completely.

KAYAK DAVE'S NO-FAIL GATOR GRAB PROTOCOL

I’m so glad you asked.

First you lasso the SOB around the snout with a loop attached to a pole. The guy on the pole should be 1) strong 2) level headed.

You then get a big guy to jump on that suckers back. Strength isn’t so important for this, weight is the key. Then you simply whip out a roll of duct tape, available in hardware stores through-out the country and tape the SOB’S mouth shut. ( If only I could do this to the wife!)

Then one person grabs the head, one grabs the tail and you toss him into a vehicle of your choice. I prefer finding a BMW in a fancy part of town for this. When you arrive at the critters new home, say the White House, you simply lasso that suckers mouth again, remove the tape and run like hell.

I especially like the new destination for the pernicious pest.

Thanks, Dave!