Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Dinosaur Husbandry #2: The Tidal Wave of Dinosaur Hoarders

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," all you enlightened folks out there!

Wow! It's been a hectic 24 hours! After I "outed" the super-secret dinosaur-breeding society, Dinosaur Underground Mobilization Brotherhood (DUMB), I have heard from people all over the world! I had no idea how widespread is the practice of raising dinosaurs secretly!

Watch out, you evil, materialistic, devil-worshipping, science-faking Darwinists. Your time is through. Thanks to the real scientists behind the Creation Museum (in Ohio, not Kentucky), all of us who have raised and loved dinosaurs can reveal our charges to the wider world!

Calls and emails came in from every continent except Antarctica, and every part of the U.S.A., including a lady in Manhattan who houses a 29-foot-long Hadrosaurus in her penthouse! It was especially moving to hear of an Inuit family that has 16 Wooly Mammoths and a sabre-toothed tiger that's a vegetarian.

Close down those phony La Brea Tar Pits! Ice Age, indeed. Spare me.

Okay, so I promised to tell you about some of my favorite pet dinosaurs. At the very top of the list is my Corythosaurus frontalis. I call her "Peepie Poo." She tops out at 35 feet long and 4 tons, which doesn't make her one of the biggest dinos but is still impressive. She's about the size of an Asian elephant, but shaped like ... well ... a dinosaur. She's got a bright yellow back and a "helmet" on her head that sticks up like a rooster's crest.

I have no pictures of her ... yet. At the moment I can't reveal her location, for fear that the wicked, etc. etc. Darwinists will track her down and petrify her. That would kill me, it really would.

Peepie Poo is a vegetarian. Remember, creation science, or you could say intelligent design, or you could say sudden emergence, tells us that all dinosaurs were vegetarians in the Garden of Eden.

No mention of how the poor plants in the G of E felt about that.

I've raised Peepie Poo from an egg, and this summer I was planning to herd her, under cover of deepest darkness, to a camp in the Shenandoah National Forest where they have four or five other Corythosaurus frontalises.

Ha ha! Thank you, Creation Museum! your revelation of real, true, and incontrovertible science has made my life (and lives everywhere but Antarctica) so very much simpler!

Here's what I'm going to do:

I'm going to load Peepie Poo on a flatbed truck, along with a couple of T. Rexes my cousin raised. I'm gonna drive that truck past Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Dartmouth, Brown, and the Smithsonian Institution (partial list). I can't tell you how I'll savor the moment when all those Darwinists who are bent on destroying the moral fabric of this country come face-to-face with Peepie Poo!

Maybe I'll post my itinerary so that you can be at the university nearest you when my precious pet dinosaur topples the forces of evil.


Freddie Sirmans said...

Just browsing the internet, Interesting website.

Hecate said...

Um, don't rent that flatbed truck just yet. You don't want to disturb the dinosaur.

Jonah said...

None of this is a surprise to me at all. I'm quite certain that my dog has some dino DNA somewhere along his family history.

What's that? DNA is an evil, etc. etc. Creationist myth, too?

Well, burst my bubble!

BBC said...

I'll never bother to look at the Creation Museum, that isn't even properly naming it.

Museum: A depository for collecting and displaying objects having scientific or historical or artistic value.

I don't consider it to have any of those values.

So how are things going with the spare? It quacks me up when you write about them. Hugs.

Athana said...

*Creation science*, *intelligent design*, and *sudden emergence*? Why are these dudes using the lingo of science if they're so dead set against science?