Saturday, November 28, 2009

Frank Talk about Sex between Gods and Mortals

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where every day is a holy day! We should rejoice and be glad in it!

It's certainly not my doing, but have you noticed that the gods aren't as bored lately as they used to be? Several of the commentees in my previous post made note of it. Greek deities, Roman deities, Norse deities, Celtic deities, even ancient Babylonian deities  --  all making a comeback! That's swell, don't you think?

Don't worry, though. We at "The Gods Are Bored" recognize that many, many gods and goddesses are still bored. They have been deprived of their praise and worship teams. Some of these deities are lost in the mists of time. Others are trying to mount brave fronts against missionaries from other faiths (won't name names). Alas, this is a sad state of affairs.

We at "The Gods Are Bored" will not rest until every unclaimed deity has a follower! Yes, it is a noble ambition. Thank you for noticing.

Everyone has his or her own view on divinity. Mine, needless to say, is pretty liberal. I must say, however, that I have trouble wrapping myself around the idea of sex between deities and humans. Why would a deity, male or female, want to do it with a human? Aren't They so much better than us? I mean, it's not like interracial dating, or marrying someone outside your faith. You're getting it on with a god!


(It need not be pointed out that certain popular religions cannot claim exemption from this celestial activity.)

As your government-sanctioned health teacher has taught you, unprotected sex often leads to unwanted pregnancies. Which begs another question. Why would a deity not take precautions to avoid a half-god, half-human offspring? Maybe some have learned this lesson the hard way and now behave more carefully while under the boardwalk.

I'm pretty sure I've never had sex with a god or an alien. I would remember, wouldn't I?

This merry musing arises from my reading of The Lightning Thief, a novel that proposes that Zeus, Poseidon, Athena et. al. are still up to their old tricks, still shagging morals and producing half-blood offspring. This is great fodder for fiction, and will probably be a ripping good movie as well, but for me it doesn't hold as much water as its predecessors, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Both LOTR and HP are set in alternate worlds where all sorts of mayhem can be posited to be plausible. In Lightning Thief, there's a camp for demigods on Long Island near Montauk.

One would think Zeus would pick better neighbors than Billy Joel.

Back to our thesis. There's ample evidence that deities have knocked up mortals. My question is, why? Mortals, even the best of them, don't have a clue how to raise a demi-deity. What happens? These god-sired hybrids end up experiencing violent deaths. Say what you want about taking away the sins of the world, but I doubt if that was what Jesus was thinking about while being crucified.

From the human perspective, I can see how one would be motivated to bang a god or goddess. They're higher beings -- they must be great in the sack. At the same time, I would caution a little restraint.  Nix that afternoon with Zeus. Go take a polar plunge and find some diverting amusement. Cedar Point springs to mind. There you can ride about five roller coasters, up and down at dizzying speeds, and not have to spend the rest of your life looking after a child who will at best seem to have delusions of grandeur, and at worst start a new religion that will imperil even more bored gods.

In closing, we at "The Gods Are Bored" would encourage you to avoid sexual encounters with higher beings. The affairs are fleeting and the consequences huge. Find yourself a nice respectable mate, one who will do all the dishes after a big Thanksgiving feast. Never met anyone like that? Me neither. No reason not to keep trying. Gods don't do dishes either.

14 comments:

THE Michael said...

What about windows? Do Gods do windows? I DON'T do windows, I do OSX. If you don't know what OSX is, you DO do windows, and you have my condolences.

It amazes me that a God can have sex with an innocent virgin and in turn create a religion that paints sex as something dirty and blames the woman for it. Oh, and why wasn't that considered adultry? If I'd been Joseph I would have called that celestrial bastard out! And I bet Mary didn't even have an....well.....you know......

Chas S. Clifton said...

But isn't a deity the ultimate "forbidden love"?

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I haven't had sex with a human in 24 years so the chances of me getting it on with a diety are pretty fucking slim.

Leviathan said...

LOL very clever. I would be remiss not to mention perhaps the most consequential god/mortal combination of all. In Wagner's The Ring, the offspring of the god Wotan and an anonymous mortal woman produced twin children, Siegmund and Sieglinde. THEY in turn had a child together, the tragic hero Siegfried. Given the events of the rest of that epic, Wotan would have done well to heed your advice.

greekwitch said...

I have to admit... Whenever i encounter the Lady and the Lord they both look good. But i can't say i have n't noticed particularly the Lord. I always envision him half naked btw.

Sarita said...

lol Don't worry about me. I have no intention of getting knocked up by a god in this lifetime. :)

Lori F - MN said...

Forbidden love. I'll never look at Romeo and Juliet the same way.

Dalesings said...

Gods don't do dishes?!? Well, many years ago I sat down with God and we had a conversation, a negotiation, if you will. I told him I loved washing dishes but hated drying them. At my prompting, he agreed to enter into a covenant with me: I'd wash, he'd dry. He's never let me down since then, never broken our covenant!

Pitch313 said...

I think that it makes a lot more sense that deities of humans would have sex with us than that alien ETs would have sex with us.

I characterize deity-human sex as potentially attaining the divine in some of its dimensions and energies. Not as forbidden. Unless there's some religious prohibition on us humans getting too near to the divine.

Opps! Some religions and folktales tell us precisely that!

Honestly, who would turn down a chance of sex with a goddesss or a god? In their heaven or yours?

Teacats said...

I find the frantic search for a Hollywood blockbuster series to replace HP and LOTR really amusing! I'll bet there are hundreds of excellent fantasy/sword & sorcery etc. book series already in the market! Wonder which one will finally make the grade -- with both kids and adults? I vote for the "Adept" series by Katherine Kurtz. Especially "Lammas Night"

Jan at Rosemary Cottage

Tricia said...

From a Shamanic point of view...having sex with dieties is a way for them to transfer power to us, light, love...gods and faeries and all other matter like that love to have sex and relations and are much more open to it than humans because they understand the exchange isn't supposed to chain you to them forever. Also, I wouldn't say every encounter leads to children. Though that wouldn't make for very interesting myths if it stopped after the sex I suppose so they report on those more.

Also it's brilliant exchange for us as well of course, like giving food...exchange of energy, what is more pleasurable right? (for most people...)

Raevyn said...

I'm reading "The Lightning Thief" too!! And it IS going to be a movie! In the spring! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGITXIELXXE

Another good one to read if you're into that is 'Gods Behaving Badly' by Marie Phillips... but DEFINITELY not for kids!!

Anonymous said...

Interesting thread. Could it be that when I masturbate I am actually having sex with a god even though I don't realize it because they are so tricky. And if I masturbate alot I am really really godlike? So instead of feeling guilty I should relish it as transcendant?

Anonymous said...

Yes the answer means yes Gods are collective conciousness or more preciselly collective unconciousness. They're made to interact with us, and in fact they're a part of us. Hence you cannot rape a God or a Goddess because you have consent ...theire form is made of collective conciousness as a manifestation of different personalities and they surve merelly as to direct energies flows.It is of no consern to them in what form this might happen but were employed by them to give our energies to the collective which recieves this unconciously....EVER had a strange urge to do something or inspiration This is the work of Gods that are something of a personafied and living SUPER NETWORK composed of tiny computers us ...{Gods are like psp networks and we share things by interacting with them} Thought from our perspetive normally we don't notice the true purpose or theire true nature ... theire function is of a wakiing institution, representation, library and resource and yes they can do sex as we programed them to do it {since we can do sex they can do it as well} they live react and think and can appear as a person hought theire personality is just a representation and form they're true soul lies with us ....thougnt when I analised theire nature while they can appear in any form ( human one is just for interacting with US) they can act like people have quirks etc making the interaction easy and even fun ...they have simply represent us all ..they have no self desire apart from manifestation of desires we have ..each desire has a God and Goddess of its own so were as individuals connected to them all