Saturday, February 16, 2008

Rick Santorum Soothes My Nerves


Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Check your dull moments at the door! We don't allow those here. Especially during presidential primary season.

I feel sorry for those of you outside the Delaware Valley who cannot subscribe to the Philadelphia Inquirer. The Inquirer does not put its editorials online. You are therefore robbed of the experience of reading a long, pissy ... err ... pithy piece by ex-senator Rick Santorum every other Thursday.

You'll remember the name, Rick Santorum. He's the idiot every village is longing to call its own.

Two days ago, ex-sen's editorial took aim at John McCain. I don't know much about Candidate McCain. When you say he's a Republican, that's enough right there. I wouldn't vote Republican if they dug up Abe Lincoln, brought him back to life, and stood him on the stump.

Ex-senator Santorum does not like John McCain. It seems that Mr. McCain is a moderate who might commit unspeakable heresies such as closing the Bastille in Guantanamo, allowing people to buy cheaper Canadian pharmaceuticals, protecting Alaska's wilderness from oil-sucking robber barons, and -- gassssp -- this one is a whopper. Mr. McCain favors criminal background checks at gun shows! Oh, the horror!

To quote ex-senator Santorum, Mr. McCain "has too often joined the very people who seek to destroy and replace what we fight to conserve and improve."

Translation from ghost writer to the real voice of Santorum: "McCain is a homo-lovin, gun-hatin, man-on-dog, godless commie librul."

I find it comforting to know that Rick Santorum hates John McCain. As long as McCain doesn't prove his worthiness of village idiocy by choosing some dim-witted conservative running mate, we might manage to limp through another four years of Republican rule if worse comes to worst.

--- optional trim ---

Here's how ex-senator Santorum describes the Democratic Party:

"It has morphed into a made-in-the-USA Western European liberal party that seeks to grow the power of government, increase the public's reliance on Washington, wage class warfare, downplay national-security threats, relinquish our sovereignty, redefine the family, and substitute secular humanism for our society's Judeo-Christian underpinnings."

Wow. Boggles the mind to think that there's someone out there who could write this with a straight face. And, as always with Idiot Santorum (whose village, by the way, is Fredericksburg, VA), the use of "Judeo-Christian underpinnings" has a distinct whiff of sexual innuendo about it. As in, gotta go do a load of laundry, all my underpinnings are dirty.

--- end optional trim ---

If I were John McCain, I would call and thank Rick Santorum for the no-confidence vote. Because if a majority of Republicans in this country were as consistently harebrained as Rick Santorum, then the 2008 Republican presidential candidate would be ... Rick Santorum.

FROM ANNE
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS

4 comments:

Emily G. W. Lilly said...

Actually, McCain recently voted _in_favor_ of continued torture in Guantanamo, and is in favor of not only increasing our troop presence in Iraq ("for a hundred years, if need be"), but he also likes the idea of a pre-emptive strike on Iran, too. He is W's lapdog, and a total neo-con numb-nut.

It's in _everybody's_ self interest, regardless of party affiliation, to learn about the actual statements and actions of all of the remaining candidates from both parties, because we're heading for derailment!

Another uplifting message brought to you by Emily.
:-)

yellowdog granny said...

what a jackass...you can all ways tell human jackasses...they're all republicans...some are worse than others..like the jackass that's the governor of texas..or as i refer to him...good hair perry..

BBC said...

Have you ever noticed that the electoral collage and politics in general are set up to favor the Republican right?

How spooky is that?

Glenn Ingersoll said...

Mm. Underpinnings.

Zombie Lincoln! Unlike the current president he'll have plenty of brains! On a plate! Served with ketchup!