Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Do you have all your eggs in one basket? Well, you could put some in the deep freeze. We mean the deep freeze.
Yesterday our fearless (and clueless) leader vetoed a bill for federal funding of stem cell research using frozen human embryos. He was surrounded by about 10 families that had produced babies from said embryos that weren't from their own genetic bond.
So if 10 little eggies have been used, that only leaves 399,990 in cold storage. Unwanted and unloved, the little pre-tots sit (lie?) there in suspended animation.
The parents of these eggs, which come from oversupply during in vitro fertilization, do not want them to be used by other folks.
Hey, duh, imagine your superior genes implanted into some coal miner's daughter in Kentucky. That wouldn't do at all. Freeze those eggs and forget 'em!
We at "The Gods Are Bored" issue the following Manifesto:
1. WHEREFORE all fertilized embryos are human beings, THEN all 400,000 frozen eggs have the right to life to begin immediately. To keep these human beings in deep freeze indefinitely is cruel and unusual punishment. These human beings would, upon birth, create a city the size of Oakland, California. Or, give or take a few miscarriages, Omaha, Nebraska.
2. WHEREFORE these surplus eggs were created and then discarded by their parents, the practice of in vitro fertilization should cease immediately and should be declared unlawful. It is tantamount to torturing your own offspring. See above for cruel and unusual punishment.
3. WHEREFORE the presiding God in this country expects human beings to suffer prior to attaining their celestial goals, all victims of spinal cord injuries, Parkinson's Disease, Alzheimer's, cystic fibrosis, Lou Gehrig's Disease, and myriad others, should quit demanding cures and just die, thereby increasing the surplus population to make way for the 400,000 new (and presumably disease-free) embryo humans.
4. THEREFORE, the right to life of the frozen eggs supercedes the right to life of the suffering disabled.
Good. Let's get the baby-making underway, and to hell with Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali.
THE MERLIN OF BERKELEY SPRINGS
In honor of her dad, who died of Parkinson's Disease after severe suffering, 2004.