Illuminati Reject Donald Trump Again, Say Presidency Changes Nothing

Let me be up front about this. I might be in the Illuminati. I can't tell you for sure, because it's against the rules to disclose membership. The closest I can get is to tell you who isn't in the Illuminati, and who will never be, and why.

Long story short, Donald Trump has been trying to join the Illuminati since 1983. His requests have been repeatedly rebuffed. No amount of bribe money has swayed the membership to accept him. And oh, has he tried to bribe his way in! Golf courses, private islands, mansions, penthouses in Manhattan -- none of that has mattered to the Illuminati. That kind of stuff bores them. It's so corporeal.

Mind you, I haven't always agreed with every decision the Illuminati makes. Take Tupac, for example. It's all well and good that his work finds its way into other deserving hands, but no one can deliver Tupac's lyrics like he can ... uh ..... could. I mean, could. Terrible tragedy. Terrible!

So. No surprises here. On November 9, Donald Trump renewed his full-court press to be elected to the Illuminati. He sends all his requests through his personal physician, who isn't Illuminati but tries to look like one. See, Donald's dubiously capable doctor studied extensively under Timothy Leary, who was indeed highly placed in the Illuminati. Donald's doctor knows people in the Illuminati, but they don't want that guy, either. Some places, it doesn't matter who you know.

It's not like the Illuminati takes only wealthy and influential people. They're not about that stuff at all. Try explaining that to Donald Trump. He hates the very idea that there's any club other than the Democratic Party that won't take him in.

But that's just it. The Illuminati is not just any club. It's the club. If you ain't worthy of the astral plane, brother, you ain't gonna get a phone call, no matter how often you beg and plead.

You didn't hear this from me, okay?