Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Thorny Problem of Inauguration Entertainment Solved

I suppose you've heard: No one wants to perform for Donald Trump's inauguration. Even stone-cold rednecks like Garth Brooks are reluctant to whoop and holler for this president-to-be. Not a single high school band from Washington, DC, Maryland, or Northern Virginia has applied for a place in the parade.

January 20 is shaping up to be a dull damn day.

Fortunately, Donald Trump reached out to me. I'm only too glad to help him find talent. (He has none of his own, so he particularly needs assistance.)

You just have to be creative about these things. In a jiffy, I signed a top-notch act for Donald.


Yes! This is the original Alvin and the Chipmunks, now working for eBay as goodwill ambassadors! They said they will be only too glad to sing at the inauguration, would it be too late for their memorable little Christmas carol?

I told them that's exactly what I want them to sing! Maybe two or three rounds of it. I'll bet if you are reading this (I'm back down to 4 readers), the song is already running through your head.

You'll notice Dave isn't with the chipmunks. Turns out he's a Bernie bro.

I'm also in negotiations with the All-Wisconsin Musical Saw Orchestra. There are some Homeland Security issues, sadly. Isn't it tragic how no one trusts anyone anymore? I mean, really. Musical saws? Oh well, no big deal. Turns out more than half of the members voted for Hillary Clinton.

Keep checking here at "The Gods Are Bored" for more updates on January 20, and for intimate views of the festivities on January 21, too. I'm your voice in the streets. Your source for breaking news. Your own little chipmunk, on the radio, when you're stuck in traffic. And I want a hula hoop.

8 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I thought Kid Rock and Ted Nugent were already signed up, lol? And what about that recent meeting with Kanye West?

It will be an interesting line-up. The Chipmunks can only be an improvement on it.

anne marie in philly said...

bwhahahahaha! NO ONE wants to be associated with "el pendejo naranjo" (the orange asshole). RESIST!

Bob Slatten said...

I just saw Kellyanne Conway--ack, I loathe her--on TV saying there would be big surprises at the inauguration. Though she then called _____ the "People's President" and said it would be a "People's Inauguration."

I just know I won't be watching.

Jono said...

See if you can get Dave Seville to do "My friend the Witch Doctor" with the Chipmunks. It might be an appropriate song for the occasion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmjrTcYMqBM

Ol'Buzzard said...

Perhaps some Russian bands could perform. I am sure Vladimir could supply a Russian state band since they are now our new best friends.
the Ol'Buzzard

Janie Junebug said...

Putin can strut around without his shirt--same old, same old. I wonder if my daughter is going on the 21st. It's the kind of thing she does. I'd go if I could.

Love,
Janie

JACKIESUE said...

Jon Voight can do a reading..

Debi said...

I wouldn't even wish this on the Chipmuck!s. I am your nosey, bitchy , neighbour to the north 🙋🇨🇦 The TV will be off and complete denial and alcohol will get me through! I see bomb shelters are back in vogue!
I am so happy to have found clever, humorous Gals to keep me from complete despair!
Happy Yuletide Wishes from the North Pole! ❄️☃️🎄❤️️🙋👍🇨🇦