I suppose you've heard: No one wants to perform for Donald Trump's inauguration. Even stone-cold rednecks like Garth Brooks are reluctant to whoop and holler for this president-to-be. Not a single high school band from Washington, DC, Maryland, or Northern Virginia has applied for a place in the parade.
January 20 is shaping up to be a dull damn day.
Fortunately, Donald Trump reached out to me. I'm only too glad to help him find talent. (He has none of his own, so he particularly needs assistance.)
You just have to be creative about these things. In a jiffy, I signed a top-notch act for Donald.
Yes! This is the original Alvin and the Chipmunks, now working for eBay as goodwill ambassadors! They said they will be only too glad to sing at the inauguration, would it be too late for their memorable little Christmas carol?
I told them that's exactly what I want them to sing! Maybe two or three rounds of it. I'll bet if you are reading this (I'm back down to 4 readers), the song is already running through your head.
You'll notice Dave isn't with the chipmunks. Turns out he's a Bernie bro.
I'm also in negotiations with the All-Wisconsin Musical Saw Orchestra. There are some Homeland Security issues, sadly. Isn't it tragic how no one trusts anyone anymore? I mean, really. Musical saws? Oh well, no big deal. Turns out more than half of the members voted for Hillary Clinton.
Keep checking here at "The Gods Are Bored" for more updates on January 20, and for intimate views of the festivities on January 21, too. I'm your voice in the streets. Your source for breaking news. Your own little chipmunk, on the radio, when you're stuck in traffic. And I want a hula hoop.