Donald Trump's Vitamin Deficiency

Hi there, and welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" My name is Anne Johnson (really and truly), and you can consider me a primary source on all things Donald Trump!

I know you're skeptical about that, but hey ... check how long this blog has been in existence, and you'll see that I have a metric ton of credibility!

This is why I have chosen today to talk about a tricky little subject: Donald Trump's vitamin deficiency.

I have it on very good authority (Marla Maples), that Donald Trump suffers from biotin deficiency. Look at the symptoms:

Now, you might say, "Anne, the man looks great for his advanced age!" And you would be right. But did you ever ask yourself how he can pull that off? Makeup artists, of course! He spends more time in the chair every morning than his lovely wife. (They do use the same artist, though.)

People get biotin deficiencies by eating raw eggs. Ask anyone, and they will tell you: Ever since Donald Trump saw the first Rocky movie at age 28, he has been drinking a half dozen raw eggs every morning, just like his hero, Rocky.

Now you're asking, "Hasn't anyone told Donald Trump that consuming raw eggs is bad for him?" Of course, readers. Of course! Everyone tells him that consuming six raw eggs every morning is the reason he's bald, hallucinating, and tingly, with red, oozing eye sores. He doesn't listen. In fact, my source (Marla Maples) tells me that if you even bring it up, he jumps down your throat and/or whacks you with a rolled-up newspaper, depending on your position in his hierarchy.

So, you heard it here first: Donald Trump is biotin deficient. But if you don't believe me, look it up. Why would you do that, though? You're a smart person, and very busy.