Sunday, December 15, 2013

I'm Liking Penguin Santa

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Fa la la la la ... la la la LOL. It's the most wonderful time of the year ... for morons.

There's something about this seasonal holiday, name it what you will, that saturates the atmosphere with extra crazy juice. It makes even the clearest-headed amongst us wacky. That being the case, you can imagine what it does to people who are already walking in a weirder wonderland.

Below I have taken the time and the trouble (unusual for this blogger) to load a viral interview in which Fox News moron par excellence commentator Megyn Kelly assures all young viewers out there that both Santa Claus and Jesus are white. This need to calm the nerves of the Caucasian population came about because some blogger (alas, not me) complained that, growing up, she had felt excluded from Christmas because she is black and Santa Claus is white.

One or the other of those fellow morons talking heads on the panel suggests that maybe we should have a penguin Santa, since penguins are both black and white. Tra la la! What an excellent idea! My three readers know how I feel about birds! Penguin Santa, take a bow!

Now, the sugar plum faeries, who are of no particular racial hue, have composed this little holiday carol for all you boys and girls who either think Santa Claus is a spirit who lives within your heart, or think Santa Claus ought to be a penguin!

Up on the house top, just because
Here comes Penguin Santa Claus,
Down through the chimney with lots of toys
All for inclusion, girls and boys!

Ho ho ho! Fox oughta go,
Ho ho ho! Fox oughta go...

Up on the house top, quick quick quick,
Santa's a penguin, that's the trick!

You know, even as a little kid I found it hard to buy the notion that Santa Claus was a fat old man who covered the whole earth and had toys for everyone out of a sled pulled by a few deer. But gosh ... a happy penguin flying here and there, dropping stuff down chimneys ... that's plausible.

Better yet ... now that Santa is a penguin, Spare can get a job at the mall as one of its "helpers!" Tout va bien.


Lucretia said...

What a relief! I saw the video posted, but THERE WAS NO COMMENTARY FROM YOU. That scared me... Then I read this, and all was right with the world! :-)

With regard to comments about Santa and Jesus being "white" (which is a color, NOT an ethnic background), if Santa really lives at the North Pole, he's probably Inuit. And Jesus was from the Middle East, not Europe, so he certainly was NOT "white" either!
But wherever they are from, I see both as any/all colors, appearing to each person in a way that that person can identify with. Because Jesus and Santa are both about love, joy, peace on earth, and good will to everyone, no matter what color/race/ethnic background they may be.

Anne Johnson said...

Stick around, Lucretia, because some time this week I am going to interview the Krampus ... who fits perfectly into your particular Xmas theme!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yet another reason why I'm glad we don't get Fox News in Canada.