Friday, December 27, 2013

Hereby Resolved

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" It's nearing New Year's Day 2014, and we Two Street Stompers are getting together for a good ol' time practicing our tootsies off for the infamous Philadelphia Mummer's Parade!

 I am proud to be a Mummer. I had to basically show up at the right place audition strenuously for the honor of being in the Stompers. I'm a good fit for this bunch of crazies seamless performing troupe.

But more about the Stompers later in the week! Right now, 2013 is closing down, and it's time for those important resolutions ... you know, the ones you always make, and then epically fail on, within weeks?

I've never made a single New Year's resolution that I have kept. Not one. Oh, I've resolved this and that over the years, especially when I was younger. Nothing stuck. Let's face it. If you behave a certain way on December 31, and you have behaved that way during the entirety of 2013, it's highly unlikely that you'll suddenly be inspired to change drastically just because you have to remember to put a new number on your paperwork.

Here's a short list of things you should not resolve to do in 2014:

give up chocolate
give up beer
give up swearing
give up having a negative attitude (whatever the fuck that means)
exercise more
work harder
ease up on the caffeine

 Come on, already! If you want to resolve to exercise more, why don't you wait until April 15, when the weather is nice? As for giving up chocolate, well, I can't speak for you, but if I had to crawl to Mexico on hands and knees to get chocolate, I would do it. Even in my most resolute years, I never resolved to give up chocolate. Life is short! Any day spent without chocolate is a day you can't get back!

I've been around the pike a few times, and this is what I will say. Occasions arise when we all have to take stock and accept some lifestyle changes. This stock-taking does not occur on January 1. It happens when it happens. So ditch the resolutions. They only cause you to have a negative attitude about yourself. Resolve to live each day at a time! How are you going to respond when some idiot who's texting while driving rear-ends your car? "Oh, say, I resolved not to swear anymore, but look at what you did to my car, you naughty person!"

The road to Hell is paved with New Year's resolutions. Don't add another brick to that motorway.


Lori F said...

I agree with you about chocolate. I can't even give it up for Lent. It wasn't pretty.

But I do have a resolution to CONTINUE my weight loss. I've gotten half way to my goal and I plan to lose only 1 pound a week. Very do-able.

Anne Johnson said...

Continue is the operative word. It's hard to start a diet in the deep of winter. I think so many people do it because of the excesses of the holidays. None of us eat sensibly between Christmas and New Year's Day. Maybe a good resolution would be, "I resolve not to eat like every day is Christmas."

Vest said...

I have decided to live at least one more year and review same in 2015 2016 2017 and 2018 and so on. That big Methuselah biblical bloke who lived 900 years meaning 70 x 13 Cal/months or close to 900 yrs, is dragging the chain on me so it seems, accordingly I must be pushing 1,136.
This will astonish dyed in the wool biblionions. Mind you that good book tells a monstrous lot of fibs.

A happy and prosperous New Year to you and your family.

Mary J. said...

Finally! A reasonable assessment of NYResolutions. Rave on...!

Lori F said...

Christmas and New Years? Try thanksgiving and new year!

Hardest is to avoid the cookie plates. Especially when they are sent home and are my favorites.