Well, all of you Pagans know why we carve and light jack-o-lanterns, right? It's to keep the evil spirits at bay while the Veil is thin.
I dunno, maybe it's this government shutdown that has me thinking of the many verminous spirits out there who richly deserve the ire of the most fearsome, well-carved, and brilliantly-lit jack-o-lanterns.
Ted Cruz is the villain du jour, but trust me, striplings ... he's stupid, yea verily a moron, but there are worse ones abroad beyond the Veil.
My jack-o-lanterns are primed to ward off some top-notch scoundrels that I have heard of or remember from days of yore:
1. George Wallace. Ugly, racist, and hateful. No, he never tried to bring down the global economy, but what a fine representative of this nation he was when he did all he could do to keep black people from attending state universities!
2. Richard Nixon. News flash. He was a crook.
3. J. Edgar Hoover. Sneaky son of a bitch. Jack-o-lanterns, plural, to keep this snoop at bay! (Imagine how much he would love Facebook!)
4. Ronald Reagan. First president in a very long time who openly took from the poor and gave to the rich. They all do it, but Reagan bragged about it. The world is a darker place in his wake.
5. James Earl Ray. Again, did not shut down the government, but cold-blooded murder that spawns martial law in more than a dozen cities is amply worthy of a jack-o-lantern.
6. Sam Walton. They say he was a nice man. But he fathered a brood that is enslaving the globe.
7. Joe McCarthy. No shutdown, but ruined careers in all walks of life. Want to know what the Tea Party end game would look like? Red Scare. That's my guess.
8. Pol Pot. America has yet to produce such a leader, but give us time.
9. Warren Harding. People forget this guy, but only because he died young and then his scandals were discovered.
10. Rush Limbaugh. Yeah, yeah, I know he's not dead, but I'm being proactive. An ounce of Halloween protection is worth a pound of cure.
Housekeeping note: I've ditched the captcha (I think). Feel free to chime in with your own list of nefarious scoundrels. I might have missed a few who are edging out my dear grandmother as she tries to hover lovingly at my side.